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5) You aren’t Independent Enough

Independent people tend to thrive in long-distance relationships. “If you are someone who doesn't know what to do with yourself on a Saturday night, and the thought of another lonely Saturday without a partner makes you feel empty inside, try looking locally,” say Chris and Kate, who married after their own long distance relationship. Remember that even a long-distance relationship with frequent travel will still leave long breaks between visits.

6) You Don’t like Talking on the Phone

Sure, emailing is great but between in-person visits you are going to have to pick up the phone. Long distance relationships take dedication; if you were living locally you might see your partner a few times a week. For most couples it’s going to take at least a couple phone calls a week to keep the relationship strong.

7) Relocation is Out of the Question

If you are looking for a lifetime commitment but can't imagine ever relocating, long-distance relationships are not for you. “Don't expect another person to jump at the chance to someday move to be closer to your job, your friends, your favorite places to hang out, if that's not something you yourself would be willing to consider for the right person,” the authors say.

8) You aren’t Head over Heels for the Other Person

Unless you are completely sure you want a relationship with your partner it is a waste of time for both of you. A long distance relationship is difficult under even the best circumstances, let alone if you aren’t 100 percent committed to the person.

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56 comments on “8 Signs you Shouldn't Be in a Long Distance Relationship”


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lovistheanswer

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I've been in a LDR for over a year now. Initially we were 3 hrs apart (not too bad) now we are 6 hrs apart (by car) The most frustrating aspect of LDR is the emotional distance. I really don't feel as strong an emotional attachment with him as I did in previous realtionships. The need to share day to day events in real-time (near-time) is lost. Sometimes on a warm summer evening when I just want to take a long walk or share a glass of wine, I get frustrated. I will probably end this soon, and I don't plan on having another LDR.
- June 12, 2009 12:07 PM
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zebabanene

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last12C wrote:
Mr_Right wrote:
So what are the 8 signs that you CAN be in a LDR?

1. Be [b]prepared[/b] to move before even considering it - don't let logistics drive the relationship.

2. Be willing and emotionally able to [b]commit[/b]. You have to have guts, but you also can't allow your emotions to override your brain.

3. Be a good listener and a good communicator.

4. Be willing to put the extra effort and timein. Be hyper-considerate.

5. Have a satisfying social life so that you don’t require someone else to fill up your time.

6. Be savvy enough to know how to get a complete background check done.

7. Be smart enough to know when someone is playing you without being paranoid - you've got to have good instincts - and the ability to listen to them rationally- but you also have got to be able to have faith in someone.

8. Know who you are and exactly what you want - be tolerant of the little things that don't really mean anything, because you're probably going to get hit with a lot of those after you've already taken the plunge. If you're the type that lets little quirks that don't have any real importance bug you, don't even bother. * The only successful LTR I've ever had was when I met my husband online. I was in Texas; he was in CA. We got married 8 months after we met and had a wonderful marriage. I don't recommend for anyone to let a LDR drag on for a long time. There is hardship when you are apart - it's tough. Over time, that will start nibbling at the relationship. Meet face-to-face early on to establish a tangible relationship and [b]make[/b] frequent visits happen. When your phone rings, answer it. When you owe a callback, make it. When you get an email, reply to it. Don't release anyone's imagination torun rampant and causehavoc. Know who you are and what you are looking for[b]before[/b] approaching a LDR. Focus like a laser beam on the important things - save the toothpaste cap and the toilet seat issues for after you are married, when it is unlikely that someone will walk out the door about something stupid. The true challenge is to find someone who will mirror you in all of these things - but it only takes a few weeks to figure that out.Once you [b]know[/b], have the courage to take the leap - do it. Time is not going to make anyone any more right for you once you have established synchrony - in fact, there comes a time where dragging it out will starteroding the relationship. Don't befoolish enough to relocate for a relationship until you are married - or at the very least engaged with a date for the wedding - unless you have nothing better to do than starting over on your own in a distant land, or you have the means to relocate back home with your tail between your legs :-)

I agree wholeheartedly. Very sound advice, especially regarding your willingness to move and not dragging it out too long.
- March 19, 2009 06:14 PM
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zebabanene

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marymaria wrote:
Long distance relationships can be wonderful and challenging all at the same time. On the plus side, yes, you do need TONS of phone time, which really strengthens communication. On the downside, your physical time togetherdoes not simulate real life. It's more like vacation.Think about it. When you're together, the time is very intense, which can bewonderful.You've both cleared your schedules and your time together is more often than not spent doing vacation-like activities. But is this what real life is like? While I don't rule out LDRs completely, I do think it's necessary for someone to eventually relocate to the same city to "do life together" on a daily basis, with all its triumphs and tragedies.Thiswill ultimatelydetermine whether your relationship really has the stuff of marriage.
I totally agree. I've been in an LDR for 6 months and we've only seen each other twice following our original meeting. We have a difficult time getting together because we are both busy professionals and live 700 miles apart. So, the occasions when we are together, a weekend here and there, are definitely like vacations and the time is certainly intense. However, we do spend "regular" time together. And what I mean by that is that we don't just go out on dates when we're together, we hang out at his place and cook together and watch movies and do his laundry. :) After reading the article, I was pleased to discover that I only suffer from 1 of the 8 signs ... I don't like to talk on the phone. However, I've lucked out in that neither does my other half. In the entire time we've been together, we've only had 1 conversation that lasted about an hour. The rest have been less than 10 minutes and are infrequent. However, we are both techies and so we chat almost every day. It works for us. Also, we are busy at work and with other interests and so we do not need to connect on a daily basis. We usually chat every 2-3 days and we're both happy with that. The other plus in this relationship is that I met my guy in my hometown. I've been thinking about moving back for a while now and so it worked out perfectly. I'm not rushing to move back ... I want to tie up a few lose ends where I live now and move back when I'm free and clear of debt and other things that might be a hinderance to our relationship. We are also in agreement that I am making the decision to move back for me. Not for him. And not for us. That's important to both of us. One thing I've found is that we've taken a great deal of time to get to know each other. By not being in a regular relationship, we spend more time talking than anything else and that's allowed us to understand each other better and more honestly than I have in any other relationship. We don't get so caught up in the emotion and intense attraction of being physically near someone and can share openly without continually being preoccupied by impressing the other person since it's all about your words. I would agree that the downside of any LDR is that you miss the person terribly, but I believe that I appreciate my time with him more because it's infrequent. By the time I am able to move, we will have been in this relationship for 13 months. It's my feeling that if we can make it that long and still want to be together that we will have a good chance of making it work.
- March 19, 2009 06:00 PM
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