Dumped! What Happened?

How could something so promising for you become so passe for your partner? Here are 6 scenarios that can provide some insight into what happened.

by eHarmony Staff

Finding out that your relationship has ended from your partner can seem like one of the most convoluted mysteries of life. How could something so promising for you become so passe for your partner? No matter how the news was delivered, the process of healing from an unrequited breakup nearly always passes through the "I just need to know what he (or she) is thinking and feeling," and yet, any amount of in-person conversations, phone calls, e-mails or text messages ever provides the closure desired—the sting of finality is a burn only time and self-discovery can heal.

The 180

You had no clue. Everything was going so well (or so you thought!). Even the past weekend was spent in romantic bliss, and for the first time you felt as thought things were really going to work out. Then come Monday, you get the phone call that starts with a reluctant tone and somewhat hesitant, "Hey, got a few minutes?" that only ends with a welling of emotion and a box of Kleenex.

Most likely cause: Your partner likes you and enjoys your company, but got cold feet when the relationship started to feel committed and more serious. Usually this point is breached within three to six months from the start of the relationship. The notion of long-term relationship may be the furthest from this type of partner’s mind, and so when faced with the prospect of commitment, he or she must bow out of the relationship.

Take comfort in... the fact that your partner told you sooner rather than later. It may seem like it came out of the blue, and it may have, but your partner was never ready for the kind of commitment you would like, and once he or she realized it, they let you go. While it hurts now, in the long run you will move on to relationships that are more in line with what you are looking for—on all levels. In order to be ultimately rewarding for both parties, interest in and dedication to the relationship must be relatively equal. Having stronger feelings toward someone than he or she can reciprocate is a recipe for heartbreak, no matter whether your relationship has been going on for three weeks or three months. The one thing your partner has not realized yet is that by spending his or her life with a series of Mr. or Ms. Right Nows, knowing full well they aren’t Mr. or Ms. Rights is a recipe for chronic dissatisfaction not only for your partner, but also for each person he or she becomes involved with.

The Slow Burn

This relationship should have ended a long time ago, but has persisted into a slow and agonizing confirmation of one’s worst suspicions that the relationship is just not working out. In these situations, both partners have their own individual degrees of unhappiness, but the more dissatisfied person stays because it feels "easier" and "less messy" than having the courage to confront the truth and move on. There may have been recurrent communication problems that have never been resolved or are avoided if they do arise, and other potential mates outside the relationship are beginning to look like attractive alternatives.

Despite the relationship’s seriously degenerated quality, it never quite ends fully, leaving at least one partner in a hurtful no-man’s land of ambiguity, and this person responds typically by trying harder to win affections or by becoming passive-aggressive, sometimes to the extreme. Jealousies of outside parties are common, and often the relationship will dissolve only because of developed interests in other potential mates outside of the primary relationship.