Please log in

8 Signs you Shouldn't Be in a Long Distance Relationship

Certain personality traits simply do not perform well in long-distance relationships. Check out our list to see if you're equipped to go the distance or suited to a local love affair.

by eHarmony Staff


Print Email RSS
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Page: 12Next >>

Everything about your mate is perfect—except the location. Dedicated couples can succeed no matter how many miles separate them but before you start dating read on for our list of the eight types of people who shouldn’t be in long distance relationships.

1) You are too Trusting

“If your friends and family would generally describe you as too trusting, then a long distance relationship may not be right for you,” say Chris Bell and Kate Brauer-Bell, authors of The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide. “Especially if the person you are considering dating long distance is someone you just met.”

ADVERTISEMENT

The authors say this may seem like a contradiction, because trust is a basic cornerstone of any relationship, but when you are meeting someone for the first time online, you need to be sure that you are able to be objective and take a realistic look at whether or not he or she is being genuine with you and is presenting an honest picture of who they are. “If your friends and family have questioned your ability to judge someone's character, then chances are, there's a good reason.”

2) You Hate to Travel

There is only so far your relationship can grow through email and phone contact. At least a few times a year you are going to have to visit the other person. Even if he or she is willing to do the bulk of the traveling, you’ll want to reciprocate the effort.

3) You’ve Been Through a Series of Failed Long-Distance Romances

If a string of long distance relationships haven’t worked for you in the past, chances are, there is a reason why. Chris and Kate, who interviewed more than 100 couples in long-distance relationships, say it may be because you are too idealistic, setting your sites on the impossible or perhaps you’re looking for long-term commitment with people who are looking for an easy, no-commitment solution to dating. “When it comes to long-distance relationships, we recommend the baseball rule—three strikes and you're out. Look for love on the local scene.”

4) You aren’t Technology Savvy and aren’t Willing to Learn

With technology there’s a variety of ways to keep in contact from email to webcams to instant messaging. If you don’t know how to use these forms of communication you’ll have to invest in taking the time to ask a friend for help or even ask for assistance at your local computer store to keep the relationship on track.

Page: 12Next >>
Connect with people like you!


Rate this article:
starstarstarstarstar
 (Avg: 5.0 out of 5)
Print Email RSS
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Comments

56 comments on “8 Signs you Shouldn't Be in a Long Distance Relationship”


Recent comments on this article

Read all comments

lovistheanswer

Posts: 5

See Profile

I've been in a LDR for over a year now. Initially we were 3 hrs apart (not too bad) now we are 6 hrs apart (by car) The most frustrating aspect of LDR is the emotional distance. I really don't feel as strong an emotional attachment with him as I did in previous realtionships. The need to share day to day events in real-time (near-time) is lost. Sometimes on a warm summer evening when I just want to take a long walk or share a glass of wine, I get frustrated. I will probably end this soon, and I don't plan on having another LDR.
- June 12, 2009 12:07 PM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation

Ignore User


zebabanene

Posts: 2

See Profile

last12C wrote:
Mr_Right wrote:
So what are the 8 signs that you CAN be in a LDR?

1. Be [b]prepared[/b] to move before even considering it - don't let logistics drive the relationship.

2. Be willing and emotionally able to [b]commit[/b]. You have to have guts, but you also can't allow your emotions to override your brain.

3. Be a good listener and a good communicator.

4. Be willing to put the extra effort and timein. Be hyper-considerate.

5. Have a satisfying social life so that you don’t require someone else to fill up your time.

6. Be savvy enough to know how to get a complete background check done.

7. Be smart enough to know when someone is playing you without being paranoid - you've got to have good instincts - and the ability to listen to them rationally- but you also have got to be able to have faith in someone.

8. Know who you are and exactly what you want - be tolerant of the little things that don't really mean anything, because you're probably going to get hit with a lot of those after you've already taken the plunge. If you're the type that lets little quirks that don't have any real importance bug you, don't even bother. * The only successful LTR I've ever had was when I met my husband online. I was in Texas; he was in CA. We got married 8 months after we met and had a wonderful marriage. I don't recommend for anyone to let a LDR drag on for a long time. There is hardship when you are apart - it's tough. Over time, that will start nibbling at the relationship. Meet face-to-face early on to establish a tangible relationship and [b]make[/b] frequent visits happen. When your phone rings, answer it. When you owe a callback, make it. When you get an email, reply to it. Don't release anyone's imagination torun rampant and causehavoc. Know who you are and what you are looking for[b]before[/b] approaching a LDR. Focus like a laser beam on the important things - save the toothpaste cap and the toilet seat issues for after you are married, when it is unlikely that someone will walk out the door about something stupid. The true challenge is to find someone who will mirror you in all of these things - but it only takes a few weeks to figure that out.Once you [b]know[/b], have the courage to take the leap - do it. Time is not going to make anyone any more right for you once you have established synchrony - in fact, there comes a time where dragging it out will starteroding the relationship. Don't befoolish enough to relocate for a relationship until you are married - or at the very least engaged with a date for the wedding - unless you have nothing better to do than starting over on your own in a distant land, or you have the means to relocate back home with your tail between your legs :-)

I agree wholeheartedly. Very sound advice, especially regarding your willingness to move and not dragging it out too long.
- March 19, 2009 06:14 PM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation

Ignore User


zebabanene

Posts: 2

See Profile

marymaria wrote:
Long distance relationships can be wonderful and challenging all at the same time. On the plus side, yes, you do need TONS of phone time, which really strengthens communication. On the downside, your physical time togetherdoes not simulate real life. It's more like vacation.Think about it. When you're together, the time is very intense, which can bewonderful.You've both cleared your schedules and your time together is more often than not spent doing vacation-like activities. But is this what real life is like? While I don't rule out LDRs completely, I do think it's necessary for someone to eventually relocate to the same city to "do life together" on a daily basis, with all its triumphs and tragedies.Thiswill ultimatelydetermine whether your relationship really has the stuff of marriage.
I totally agree. I've been in an LDR for 6 months and we've only seen each other twice following our original meeting. We have a difficult time getting together because we are both busy professionals and live 700 miles apart. So, the occasions when we are together, a weekend here and there, are definitely like vacations and the time is certainly intense. However, we do spend "regular" time together. And what I mean by that is that we don't just go out on dates when we're together, we hang out at his place and cook together and watch movies and do his laundry. :) After reading the article, I was pleased to discover that I only suffer from 1 of the 8 signs ... I don't like to talk on the phone. However, I've lucked out in that neither does my other half. In the entire time we've been together, we've only had 1 conversation that lasted about an hour. The rest have been less than 10 minutes and are infrequent. However, we are both techies and so we chat almost every day. It works for us. Also, we are busy at work and with other interests and so we do not need to connect on a daily basis. We usually chat every 2-3 days and we're both happy with that. The other plus in this relationship is that I met my guy in my hometown. I've been thinking about moving back for a while now and so it worked out perfectly. I'm not rushing to move back ... I want to tie up a few lose ends where I live now and move back when I'm free and clear of debt and other things that might be a hinderance to our relationship. We are also in agreement that I am making the decision to move back for me. Not for him. And not for us. That's important to both of us. One thing I've found is that we've taken a great deal of time to get to know each other. By not being in a regular relationship, we spend more time talking than anything else and that's allowed us to understand each other better and more honestly than I have in any other relationship. We don't get so caught up in the emotion and intense attraction of being physically near someone and can share openly without continually being preoccupied by impressing the other person since it's all about your words. I would agree that the downside of any LDR is that you miss the person terribly, but I believe that I appreciate my time with him more because it's infrequent. By the time I am able to move, we will have been in this relationship for 13 months. It's my feeling that if we can make it that long and still want to be together that we will have a good chance of making it work.
- March 19, 2009 06:00 PM
Reply to this comment

Report Violation

Ignore User


56 comments so far » read more

Not an Advice member? Sign up to contribute to the discussion.

Sign Up for eHarmony Advice
Female  Male
I have read and agree to the eHarmony.com
privacy policy and Terms of Service.

Create an account above to save and post your reply. This information is private: only your screen name will be visible to other Advice members.

Advice members, log in to post your reply.

Members Log In


eHarmony account holders: your signup information will not work in the Advice Community. You must create an Advice screen name by using the sign-up form to the right.



ADVERTISEMENT