“I've never been married, though I was engaged once back in college ...but that ended back in 2001. I'll be completing my masters Dec. 2008. While I'd like to complete my ten years where I'm working at now (after I graduate it'll only be 2.5 years left)... for the right guy, I'd be willing to move before then.”
“I like to think of myself as mellow and friendly. I have solid priorities but respect people of all backgrounds. I've always been proud of the fact that I count among my friends conservatives, liberals, republicans, democrats. The variety can be a little challenging but also extremely rewearding. I feel very blessed!”
“A curious introvert. I've been around the world on mission trips and for work, but most weekends I prefer to sit home with my cats, a cup of coffee and a good book. I've worked as an Interpreter for the deaf in public schools, a robotics programmer, and a janitor. I absolutely hated English in school but now I write (one book of poetry finished and one fantasy novel looking for a publisher/agent.) I'm not good at creating art but I do appreciate it.”
If you ask a professional spy what he’s up to or where he’s headed, his half-joking reply might be: “If I tell you that, I’ll either have to kill you or take you with me.”
That’s because he knows information is powerful stuff, often the difference between mission success and failure. During World War II, that fact was driven home on public posters and pamphlets that proclaimed, “Loose lips sink ships.”
What’s that got to do with dating and romance, you might wonder? Well, when it comes to divulging sensitive personal information too freely, some people could sink a whole armada. That is never truer than when we begin a new romantic relationship. In our eagerness to be open and honest, we may rush to bare our souls, while expecting potential partners to do the same. It is true that most people do not possess high-stakes, life-or-death secrets. But there is plenty about who we are and what we’ve experienced that should be ladled out judiciously rather than dumped out hastily.
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At what point should a dating partner know intimate things about you? That’s a judgment call we each have to make, depending upon the comfort level and sense of trust as a relationship unfolds. Obviously, by the time you are ready to make a binding commitment to each other, there should not be huge secrets left under wraps. But early on, there is rarely a compelling reason to stretch your vulnerability to the point of uneasiness. After all, there is no guarantee this person will become a permanent part of your life. Why reveal things you may later regret sharing?
Here are three types of information you should feel in no rush to discuss too readily:
Your deepest, darkest secrets. Everyone has something lurking in their past they are not proud of, ranging from merely embarrassing to possibly incriminating. It is tempting, in the first euphoric weeks of dating, to play relationship “Truth or Dare,” to demonstrate your seriousness or transparency. It is advisable to save those incendiary revelations for safer times down the road when you know each other better.
Your romantic history. Eventually, you both could have a legitimate claim to details like why past relationships ended or if you’ve been engaged before. But until you are ready to move the relationship toward greater exclusivity and commitment, beware of the potential for misunderstanding and other unintended consequences if you reveal too much.
Your money matters. Many people in our society draw conclusions about others based on their income, investments, family wealth (or poverty), and so on. You want to be evaluated on who you are—your personality, beliefs, ambitions—not your income-generating potential. Sometime later, when your relationship is further along, you and your partner will likely talk openly about finances. But in the early stages, use discretion.
The point here is not to be secretive or evasive with those you are dating—indeed, authenticity is a highly attractive quality. But there is a proper time to disclose sensitive information about yourself. Pacing is important: as a relationship grows and develops so can your degree of openness. By the time you are ready to marry, your life can and should be an open book, to be read by the person you love and trust most.
I am all for a fresh start and leaving the past in the past. why not create a whole new reality with the one you are with rather than rehashing all your failed relationships. We create things when we speak them so we reinforce negative traits by bringing them up... I say shut up and enjoy the moment. Look to the future and create new beautiful memories with the one you are with NOW![IMG]http://advice-static.eharmony.com/library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/IMG]
No wonder why I'm single; I'm being tooooooooooooooooooo Honest!!!
Seriously; I must agree that being too honest too early is a deal stopper. It is important to show the person all of the good things about you. Actions are stronger than words and especially any words that someone else may say. A person's past is just that, their past, and should remain there. Like tax returns; as long as there is no agregious erros, after three years, they are not an issue.
I made the mistake of being honest about past bad life decesions and never mentioned any of the good I've done. This gave her no choice but to assume I had too many issues. Someone very close to me said just let her know that you have made bad decisions and you are willing to discuss them in detail if she wants. If she doesn't and they are no longer affecting you, then it is a "Done deal, non issue."
[QUOTE=howa4x;690591]I dissagree somewhat. I tell women up front what I'm looking for and not play games. I think being truthful is best and seek the truth for your potential mate. Everything will all come out later so why wait. We all have dated so usually that's not an issue. If a woman asks me how much I make that's usually the end of the date, since I know what she is after. I usually, from experience want a womman to tell me early whether she is sexually uptight, since waiting can be a major dissapointment. I do this tactfully of course. All first dates are an interveiw so if you are attracted on a primal level then expolore whether you have anything in common. Dating can be very expensive for a male, since womens lib is only for the job setting, and they expect you to be the meal ticket, and to cater to them. For this reason it's best to find out as much as you can right away. I know I spent over $1,000 over the last few years taking women to diner or lunch and not connecting with them. Now it's a meet in the park for a walk around. Women appreciate honesty, so don't be afraid to tell them in a nice way what your expectations are for a healhy realtionship[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry if I'm wrong here, but to tell you the truth, you sound as though basically, you want to know right away if a woman is going to have sex with you early and often in the relationship, or else you're not going to waste your time on her.
So basically, you're only going to take a woman out to dinner who is willing to have sex with you in exchange for it? When you said that dating is expensive for the guy and that you don't like spending a bunch of money and then not getting anything out of it, that totally made you look like a jerk. Seriously, do you only think a woman is worth buying dinner for her only if she'll spread her legs right off the bat for you? That's just so incredibly tacky.
And really, if you're into chicks who sleep around right away and are into having lots of sex, why even bother dating regular women, and worrying about whether or not you're "wasting" your money on dinner that may not result in some sex for you afterwards? Why not just skip the whole dinner issue altogether and just pay a prostitute to have sex with you? That way, you know it's guaranteed that you're going to get sex out of her, and you won't have to waste any money buying her dinner.
You don't sound like the kind of guy who any nice woman would waste their time on. Your only concern seems to be sex, and if you're looking for a girl who sleeps with the men they date right off the bat, did you ever take a minute to think how many men a girl like that has probably been with over the years? Is that the type of woman you would want as your girlfriend?
If she's that willing to sleep with you right away, what would stop her from sleeping around with other guys while she was dating you? Girls who have sex right away with men usually aren't that worried about being monogamous, and more than likely, a girl like that would be out there cheating on you left and right. Is that the type of relationship you're looking for? Yikes.
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