Single Dads: Top Ten User Comments
The subject of dating and single dads has generated some great insights and comments from the Advice Community. Here are some of our favorites!
Smooshed Fruit: "I'm a believer that you should not bring someone you're dating around your children until you are certain that they are going to be around for a long time."
JoyfulGirl75: "There's no greater turn on than a man who is a natural with children."
west1745: "I think a single dad brings a better perspective to the table - because he understands what it is like to have to put someone else ahead of himself."
pinz: "If a single dad stood before me today and said, 'How about a date sweet cakes?' I'd probably say, 'Yes, honey pie,' and would go forward with both eyes wide open, listening & learning."
sillymama: "I think single fathers can often appreciate my day-to-day life, school, soccer madness, homework, and the need to unwind when our precious little monsters are in the safe comforting home of someone else -- LOL."
wishbone: "I NEVER Feel STUCK !!! with my kids. They are the Greatest Gifts from God that anyone could ever dream of."
LizziePooh: "Be on the lookout for people that still aren't over their ex's but give the single dads a chance. Just make sure that if you are going to have an LTR with a single dad that you really love the kid too."
blrdancer: "All you can do is keep trying -- any woman that doesn't want to spend time with the kids is ultimately not going to be the right one for you."
OverAnalyzer: "I was not a big dater while I was raising them because I wanted them and felt they were my priority. Some thought I shouldn't have put my life on hold but I never felt that way at all. Sure it was tough and at times I wondered what ever gave me the idea that I could parent, but I did and we got through it and I have a great relationship with them both and would not trade that at all."
HonorD: "I crave more time with my children but most courts will not award custody to the father unless the mother is unfit. I would have fought for full custody but that would have been a huge strain on finances with a low chance of success. Pls don't close your mind to single dads who don't have sole custody. Some of us are victims of circumstance and the legal system."
Check out similar topics and articles in The Divorced Men's Guide to Dating!
11 comments on
“Single Dads: Top Ten User Comments”
Reading these comments breaks my heart a little. There are so many generalizations made here. What I'm hearing from a lot of people is that, because I'm a single mother, I should stay lonely for the next (at least)12 years until my youngest reaches adulthod.
I think you can't make sweeping statements like this about single parents--whether male or female. I have dated 3 men in the last 2-1/2 years. The first had a grown son who lived with his mother in another state. He knew my kids before we began dating and was fabulous with them. We only dated a short while, but the breakup had nothing to do with my kids.
The second has kids who are very close to my own kids' ages. He got them every other weekend and I never even heard from him on those weekends. My kids met him in name, but that is all--spent no time at all with him. Turned out that he always put his kids ahead of me in everything that came up. I mean, really, he couldn't even call or email me when he had them!
The man I'm dating now never had his own children, but raised a stepson for many years. He even asked for and got visitation with the boy when he & his ex divorced. (The young man is now away at college.) He didn't meet my kids until we had been dating for a couple of months and didn't spend any time with them until we had been together for 5 months. (And then it was one evening that was not repeated until a month later.) He is great with my kids and is very understanding when I do need to spend time with them. He has never complained when I need time with them and away from him, but if I ask him to participate in something with them, he is there for me.
To lump all single parents into one group is ridiculous. If you don't want to date single parents, that is certainly your prerogative. But don't make broad statements about 'all' single parents.
- September 24, 2009 08:15 PM
I am not sure it is about singles with or without children. I have children and I just broke it off with a man who made his children the top priority in his life. He would only spend time with me when he was not with them and rarely let me meet them after dating a year and a half. I broke up with him when he canceled a Valentine's Day concert with me so he and his kids could go on an adventure together. He did not invite me and my kids to go either. Long story short I spent nine months on and off with him, til I finally realized that I was getting nowhere and needed to move on. Single dad's are great, however make sure you know where you fall in the pecking order and if you are okay with the order. Singles with kids should be realistic about their ability to commit to someone or wait until they are ready.
- September 24, 2009 02:32 PM
I, too, am a single woman with no children (I wanted them and I do love them) but after dating several single dads . . . I am very wary. I had the dad who dropped everything if his daughter decided she wanted them to do things together. Literally, he'd cancel out last minute if she decided she wanted to go the movies. I had the dad who did the whole "they're my universe and their mom's horrible" thing - yes they are important, but I don't want to be "you're somewhere in the top 5, after the kids, my mom, dad, grandma, etc." Or the dad who cried (yes, cried) on our first date because he missed his daughters so much (they lived in another state w/ their mom). When we're first dating, I don't want to meet them or talk to them -- this is a time to see if we mesh - I think it's harder on the kids to meet Dad's new friend who may not be his friend after a date or two. I had one guy who gushed about his children in every e-mail, phone call and finally on our date. I finally decided to play crazy cat lady and started gushing about my cats. We didn't go out again. LOL
My single friend has said her children come first, no matter what. I think if you're that kind of parent, great, but you can't have a relationship with any promise if you won't compromise.
I agree - single parents should probably date single parents - those of us w/o children have different priorities and outlooks. I can adapt, but the single parent has to understand there's a learning curve. Again, I hope to have children or step-children, but first I want a lover. Children grow up and (hopefully) move on. They need to grow, have friends, dates, etc. So do the single parents.
- September 24, 2009 10:38 AM
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