Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Ask a Dating Expert See what our experts have to say, and then weigh in with your own advice. This discussion board is a great place to discover the wisdom of the group.

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
awol71 awol71 is offline
awol71's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 233

See profile

AugustBeauty, wrote :

... Sometimes I am ready to elope with him, but other times I am ready to end it ...
According to what you say, you seem very confused about what it is you want. Unless you're leaving out some really important details, you are definitely not ready for marriage. Regardless of what it is you think you would love to do. The fact that you have trouble making up your mind between two complete opposites (rejecting him or marrying him) is a pretty sure sign. Your dilemma, "Should I marry him or dump him?",is just not reasonable. A reasonable dilemma is, "Should I marry him now or wait six months?"


I doubt therapy is necessary, but it could help you realize that you're just a regular 21 year-old and you need to figure out what it is you want for your future before thinking about marriage. (-;
- April 16th, 2009, 04:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is online now
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is relieved that the homebuyer's tax credit has been extended.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,412

See profile

boccabum wrote :

No offense to the other posters but I don't think the OP needs therapy! She seems and acts like a normal, well adjust person of her age...she's 21 !!!!
+1. Most 21 year old have no idea what is possible in a relationship...what kind of members of the opposite sex are available to them...or in general what they want out of life and a relationship. A lot of people probably even have to let a 'good one' go...just because they don't have a frame of reference to know what is a 'good' partner and what isn't. I think you described this wondering of 'can I do better?' and the need to be able to make such a judgement.
- April 16th, 2009, 04:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
TrixiPooch TrixiPooch is offline
TrixiPooch's Avatar

TrixiPooch sniffing around the boards again.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 576

See profile

boccabum wrote :

No offense to the other posters but I don't think the OP needs therapy! She seems and acts like a normal, well adjust person of her age...she's 21 !!!!


To the OP: There's nothing wrong with you! This has nothing to do with your mental well-being or emotional state. It has everything to do with your age and place in life right now. Why anyone at the age of 21 is in a serious relationship or is contemplating marriage is beyond me. You haven't experianced enough of life right now to know what you want. That's why you're confusted and "antsy". You sound like you have a desire to date other guys and live a little life. That's perfectly normal and OK. You should! Don't even think of marriage yet! Have you finished college? Do you have your dream job yet? Have you travelled everywhere you've wanted to go? Have you had flings, partied, love and lost, done things in life that become stories for your future grandkids? I doubt it. So think of a relationship and marriage AFTER you've done these things. Stop torturing yourself and this guy (who is probably close to your young age) with the confinment of a relationship and just live life to the fullest before you think of "settling" down.
Agreed!


OP you need to give yourself a break! What you're trying to do is extremely difficult - a committed long distance relationship at age 21 while going to college. The deck is stacked against you!! I'm impressed that you've made it this far. I think you should relax...enjoy the time you get to spend with your bf...but try not to put so much pressure on yourself to commit (hopefully he can understand and respect your position). You are in a special, unique time of your life - you will never get this time back.
- April 16th, 2009, 05:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
ravitaekwondo ravitaekwondo is offline
ravitaekwondo's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 48

See profile

AugustBeauty, wrote :

I have been dating a wonderful man for the last seven months. He is my best friend and I would never want to intentionally hurt him. As of late I have been getting slightly troubled and been wondering if there is something better out there. I have dated in the past, and I know the guy I am with now goes above and beyond being an amazing boyfriend. He drives nine hours twice a month to see me, takes me to dinner, always opens the door, and always has time for me, but part of me is still restless. It comes and goes. Sometimes I am ready to elope with him, but other times I am ready to end it. Almost all my past relationships have ended this way. The guy is great but I start to push them away and look for something new. I am very faithful in my dating relationships, and really would love to get married soon so I don't see myself as a drifter. Is there something horribly wrong with me? Or have I just not met the right one?
AugustBeauty,


The problem is with you. You can't seem to understand the great guy you have, you are totally mixed up in how you view relationships, and you seem completely confused.


So, there are two options:


1) You need to get help from a professional therapist, so you can work on building and making better the relationship you have now;


2) Let this poor guy walk away from the relationship so he is not hurt.


It's up to you. I also question very strongly about you being "faithful in your dating relationships". If you were truly faithful, you would not push great guys away and look for something better.


- April 16th, 2009, 11:04 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
JMWTurnerFan JMWTurnerFan is offline
JMWTurnerFan's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 500

See profile

gr8galmv wrote :

It sounds like you could be helped by seeking out professional therapy to answer the questions you have. A few sessions and you might figure it out. Check with your health insurance provider...I know many companies like mine offer three free counseling sessions per instance. I'm not sure that you've not met the right guy but it sounds like it is something within you that might be the battle.
That's exactly right. Get professional advice. None of us know you well enough or deep enough to know what's going on. You need someone whose help you can rely upon, and who will help you find the answers you're looking for.
- April 16th, 2009, 11:21 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

JMWTurnerFan JMWTurnerFan is offline
JMWTurnerFan's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 500

See profile

boccabum wrote :

No offense to the other posters but I don't think the OP needs therapy! She seems and acts like a normal, well adjust person of her age...she's 21 !!!!


To the OP: There's nothing wrong with you! This has nothing to do with your mental well-being or emotional state. It has everything to do with your age and place in life right now. Why anyone at the age of 21 is in a serious relationship or is contemplating marriage is beyond me. You haven't experianced enough of life right now to know what you want. That's why you're confusted and "antsy". You sound like you have a desire to date other guys and live a little life. That's perfectly normal and OK. You should! Don't even think of marriage yet! Have you finished college? Do you have your dream job yet? Have you travelled everywhere you've wanted to go? Have you had flings, partied, love and lost, done things in life that become stories for your future grandkids? I doubt it. So think of a relationship and marriage AFTER you've done these things. Stop torturing yourself and this guy (who is probably close to your young age) with the confinment of a relationship and just live life to the fullest before you think of "settling" down.
Who said normal people couldn't benefit from therapy? Therapy has a bad rep. I say this as someone who has never been to a counselor or anything, but I often ask friends for personal advice and talk to them about issues. It's similar. There's nothing wrong with her: I don't think gr8, I, or anyone else who recommended it would say so (though I haven't read all the posts). But that doens't she should not see someone who can help her.
- April 16th, 2009, 11:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 1,025

See profile



that is very common. nothing is "wrong," but there is something to be learned... by your amygdala. sounds like it needs to be conditioned to return to a state of relaxed calm with greater ease. i'd suggest working to take the sting out of that restlessness, the feeling that has you pushing to push. the classic exercise is to do nothing, think nothing, stop short of drawing conclusions or suppositions, when you notice you the feeling. takes some practice.
- April 16th, 2009, 11:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
gr8galmv gr8galmv is offline
gr8galmv's Avatar

gr8galmv 6 mo. into dating my EH guy and still feels like I've won the EH lottery!

Unregistered

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 1,421

See profile



I hadn't read that you were only 21. While I don't think you're abnormal and you're still quite young figuring out who you are...I have benefited personally from seeing a counselor to talk through a few things...nothing like long term therapy but I found it great and insightful to see anothers professional point of view. But yes, I hadn't realized the original poster was only 21...you're young and have year's ahead of you. But if your a bit like me in that I love learning more about myself everyday and who I am...the free counseling was actually a pretty neat experience, even without any major issues to work through.
- April 17th, 2009, 01:18 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
angelofmerci's Avatar

angelofmerci loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,304

See profile



AugustBeauty,


Getting married while in college is risky business for a woman. Too many things can happen that could cause her to postpone her education. I have told many a young woman toget as much education as possible so they would not have to count on any man for their financial support. I tell them not to take a break between their bachelors and masters or masters and their PHD as during the breaks all too often they meet Mr Right and then the next thing you know junior comes along. Before you the young woman knows it she has had to postpone her advanced degree for 20 years. Please give this some serious thought. Good Luck


- April 17th, 2009, 01:49 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
wittykitty wittykitty is offline
wittykitty's Avatar

wittykitty is happy, got a grant for 3 years!!! doesn't care about losers right now

Quick Study

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 178

See profile



I agree with most of here, I also don't think there is anything wrong with you. I recently stumbled upon a website that gives advice the kind of men you booted in the past (and all sorts of other men and advice). It is called askmen . com. Although I would disagree with many articles there, they also provide a lot of insight into the male psyche. Basically, they encourage men like your boyfriend to remain a "challenge". THey say men forget about this aspect once they have a steady girlfriend and describe exactly your experience: how the girl becomes restless after this happens.
- April 17th, 2009, 04:40 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« Should I move on, and meet another match? | Array | Young widowed people -- how to start dating again and what do dates think? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“! Sorry, don't see where the word indulge implies anything unhealthy, well I see "To yield to the desires and whims of, especially to an excessive degree." (here) as a valid definition ... ” – thefastcat

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion

“Playing "Second Life" while you, a real person and the with whom one he wants to be in relationship, is really rude. It's like asking you over and then spending all his time talking to his buddies. ... ” – Faira

Join the “Conflict over TV/movie habits.” discussion

“Love seems like a complicated issue. Why cant it be simple? I have read what seems like hundreds of books, magazines, and internet articles trying to educate myself about love and relationships so I ... ” – olrowe

Join the “Do We Over Think Relationships?” discussion

“Suppose you have 3 matches. Let's be creative and call them A, B, and C. Suppose your Who's Viewed list says A viewed 2 days ago, B viewed yesterday and C viewed today. Two days later, it will say ... ” – melman

Join the “How to find this?” discussion

“ I hope it crossed his mind Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm trying to just relax but it's hard.” – Andrea8823

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“I LOVE your answer to #8!” – Lookingandlooking

Join the “Profile Review” discussion

“ Hi bjfrat! I actually had a post up on another board with a review for my profile I have up at eHarmony. Here is the link: ... ” – ojoyfulone

Join the “advice/encouragement on dealing with some fears” discussion

“Well ... I was dating eH matches ... And now: Cutie McSmitty. Oh course, he could turn out to be a weeiner head. But until then ... CO likes Have fun! ” – VB_Girl

Join the “Is everyone but me dating?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:04 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0