I try to read this in different ways, but what it comes out to is about the same thing:

"I wanted to go to my company party. I offered to pay, things were okay and we were going. Then I found out I couldn't pay. He didn't offer to help. I can't have what I want. Wwaaaahhhhh!"


Seriously. It sounds like you're throwing a tantrum because you found out you can't pay for it and want to blame him because he won't foot the bill. I think it's quite nervy of you to get mad at him and say he's not being chivalrous because he's not doing what you want -- and that's what it looks like over and over. You're just mad because he didn't read your mind and do what you wanted.


Then you blame the men because we're not seeing it your way -- but you also find out that there's at least one woman who doesn't see it your way. It looks like it's time to come to terms with this: He did nothing wrong and you have no grounds to blame him for not being chivalrous.


Now I'm going to write something I doubt you want to hear: There are two sides to chivalry. Yes, there's what men do, but there's the reverse, and that's how women receive it or deal with it. Expecting him to be chivalrous and getting upset when he doesn't do what you want is not chivalrous at all on your end. To do what you've done is to take advantage of chivalry, and that steps outside that system. It's quite possible he realized you were hinting, in some vague way, that he should pay and that could very well be the reason he didn't offer.


If I walk a lady to my car, I open the door for her, help her in (which often helps, since I usually drive a 2 seater that's low to the ground) and help her find the seatbelt before I shut the door for her. I do that because I was raised by a Virginia Gentleman to be a Virginia Gentleman. Now if I walk her to the car and she walks quickly and gets in front of me, then stands there, tapping her foot, waiting for me to open the door and looks at me, without saying anything, to communicate that it is now my job to open the door for her, that is just plain rude and is taking advantage of my tendancy to be chivalrous. It's wrong of her to do that and I have two responses I can quickly think of: Open the door with enough grace that she realizes she's being ungraceful and ungrateful, or just say, "Open it yourself. You've got two hands."


You've done about the same thing: you've rushed to the door and are expecting it to be opened for you. By expecting him to pay, you have taken away the opportunity for him to be chivalrous. You've turned it into his responsibility and that is using him. It's wrong. What makes it worse is that this involves money -- you are essentially using chivalry as an excuse to expect financial help from him. He is doing you a favor by letting you remain financially self-sufficient.


You didn't get what you wanted, you're not going to get it, and I truly feel sorry for this guy who is being judged because he essentially isn't doing what you want. There's no nice way to say this, but I think you're acting like a spoiled child. You offered to pay, so we should think you're wonderful, but now you don't get what you want, so we should see you as wounded. That's what it looks like and the more you explain it, the more it looks like that.


I know this sounds harsh, but I really don't do well sugar-coating my thoughts, it just never sounds sincere. I'm not saying you're a bad person, but I think you've let what you want in this situation blind you into being manipulative and not putting your best foot forward.