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liquidKi liquidKi is offline
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Disclaimer: not sugar-coated. i can't think of a nice way to say this and also be succinct.


You're a tramp. You do a disservice to all women and in fact all people. You are allowing this weasel of a man an escape when he is unhappy with his current girlfriend (or as someone very intelligently pointed out perhaps he is just fine with his girlfriend and is lying to you in order to seduce you). If you didn't allow him this escape he would have to face reality and either make his relationship work or end it.
- December 31st, 2008, 12:29 pm
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There are certain types of people out there who will look outside their relationship to get their ego boosted, or to be validated or to feel desirable, rather than working on the problems within the relationship.


They play the victim "Oh, poor me, my SO doesn't love me / have sex with me / respect me / appreciate me" but they don't do anything about it.


It sounds like he's using you to get some excitement back into his life. You need to ask yourself if you want to be a pieve on the side, and if you want to be with somebody who behaves like this when the going gets rough.


He needs to sort out his current relationship before moving onto a new one, either fix it or end it, and not to go off with another woman in a way that whilst it may not be sexual, may still be innapropriate.
- December 31st, 2008, 01:03 pm
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JustOneSoul JustOneSoul is offline
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Mr_Right wrote :

As always, things aren't as black and white as they appear.


I have a buddy of mine who dated a girl for 5 years. For 3 of those years, he was... I want to say unhappy with the relationship.


My friends and I all knew this girl was not right for him, but there's no point in us continuing to harp on it. And I think he knew deep down that she wasn't right for him. She was annoying, they didn't have much if anything in common, they were distant, they would fight when we were around, all that stuff. I really think he just felt obligated to be with her since their parents were friends, plus they went to the same church.


After 5 years, he finally broke up with her (she didn't take it well, turned into psycho ex-girlfriend, she was expecting to get married), and a month later, I hear that he had a new girlfriend.


That was pretty shocking... I mean, to go from a 5 year relationship right away to find someone new in a month. I'm pretty sure that he had lunch with her a few times before deciding to call it off with the first girl.


The conclusion of this story? My friend and his second girlfriend got married a few years ago, and they're both insanely happy together. They've now got a house, two dogs, and a kid on the way.


Just saying there's another side of it.
I knowa guywho claims to be in this kind of relationship - says he LIKES her but there are no sparks, and that he will NEVER marry her;she is head over heels about him and is demanding.She moved in temporarily to help him after surgery and never went back to her own place (yes, she still has it). He says he isn't mean enough and doesn't have the "guts" to break it off - that he's waiting for her to leave. And thatas soon asshe does leave, he definitely wants to date - just doesn't feel right with her still there. Are guys like this really for real?Did you ever find out ifyourbuddymet the new girlfriend before or after breaking off the first relationship?
- January 1st, 2009, 01:14 am
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JustOneSoul JustOneSoul is offline
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Mr_Right wrote :

As always, things aren't as black and white as they appear.


I have a buddy of mine who dated a girl for 5 years. For 3 of those years, he was... I want to say unhappy with the relationship.


My friends and I all knew this girl was not right for him, but there's no point in us continuing to harp on it. And I think he knew deep down that she wasn't right for him. She was annoying, they didn't have much if anything in common, they were distant, they would fight when we were around, all that stuff. I really think he just felt obligated to be with her since their parents were friends, plus they went to the same church.


After 5 years, he finally broke up with her (she didn't take it well, turned into psycho ex-girlfriend, she was expecting to get married), and a month later, I hear that he had a new girlfriend.


That was pretty shocking... I mean, to go from a 5 year relationship right away to find someone new in a month. I'm pretty sure that he had lunch with her a few times before deciding to call it off with the first girl.


The conclusion of this story? My friend and his second girlfriend got married a few years ago, and they're both insanely happy together. They've now got a house, two dogs, and a kid on the way.


Just saying there's another side of it.
I knowa guywho claims to be in this kind of relationship - says he LIKES her but there are no sparks, and that he will NEVER marry her;she is head over heels about him and is demanding.She moved in temporarily to help him after surgery and never went back to her own place (yes, she still has it). He says he isn't mean enough and doesn't have the "guts" to break it off - that he's waiting for her to leave. And thatas soon asshe does leave, he definitely wants to date - just doesn't feel right with her still there. Are guys like this really for real?Did you ever find out ifyourbuddymet the new girlfriend before or after breaking off the first relationship?
- January 1st, 2009, 01:14 am
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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JustOneSoul wrote :

Mr_Right wrote :


As always, things aren't as black and white as they appear.


I have a buddy of mine who dated a girl for 5 years. For 3 of those years, he was... I want to say unhappy with the relationship.


My friends and I all knew this girl was not right for him, but there's no point in us continuing to harp on it. And I think he knew deep down that she wasn't right for him. She was annoying, they didn't have much if anything in common, they were distant, they would fight when we were around, all that stuff. I really think he just felt obligated to be with her since their parents were friends, plus they went to the same church.


After 5 years, he finally broke up with her (she didn't take it well, turned into psycho ex-girlfriend, she was expecting to get married), and a month later, I hear that he had a new girlfriend.


That was pretty shocking... I mean, to go from a 5 year relationship right away to find someone new in a month. I'm pretty sure that he had lunch with her a few times before deciding to call it off with the first girl.


The conclusion of this story? My friend and his second girlfriend got married a few years ago, and they're both insanely happy together. They've now got a house, two dogs, and a kid on the way.


Just saying there's another side of it.


I knowa guywho claims to be in this kind of relationship - says he LIKES her but there are no sparks, and that he will NEVER marry her;she is head over heels about him and is demanding.She moved in temporarily to help him after surgery and never went back to her own place (yes, she still has it). He says he isn't mean enough and doesn't have the "guts" to break it off - that he's waiting for her to leave. And thatas soon asshe does leave, he definitely wants to date - just doesn't feel right with her still there. Are guys like this really for real?Did you ever find out ifyourbuddymet the new girlfriend before or after breaking off the first relationship?
Every single one of my circle of friends told this buddy that the first girl wasn't right for him, and it went in one ear and out the other.


We let him figure it out for himself.
- January 1st, 2009, 02:30 am
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I am not confident that this man will end his relationship for you. It is too convenient for him to (as a former boyfriend of my own quipped) "have his cake and eat it too".


I would not waste any more of my time with him, unless you are OK with just being friends, because it's not likely to evolve into anything more.
- January 1st, 2009, 01:37 pm
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Please, people, loosen up a bit. No reason to be so self-righteous. It is definitely not necessary that he'll 'do the same to you'. And what is that "same", anyway? That he meet other girls even though he already has a girlfriend? By the same logic, everyone would need to marry their first boyfriend/girlfriend to avoid being labeled "cheater/spineless" and the other adjectives you use here.


Instead of guessing about the guy's relationship with that other girl, why don't you ask him point blank? It is only normal to ask about someone's status before we have to do anything with him/her. Why does he speak "rarely" to her if they are still together? What is the arrangement? If age taught me anything is that we have the rights to clarify the situation for us before we jump to premature conclusions and jump prematurely into a relationship.


And no, a relationship doesn't have the same expectations as a marriage. I mean, if your word means anything. In marriage you exchange your vows before witnesses and your word should be your bond. In a relationship people usually don't do that.
- January 1st, 2009, 03:09 pm
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simpletonHeart70 simpletonHeart70 is offline
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What's the deal, are you in a small town of 3 people and he's the last man around?





Or do you just want to feel good about yourself by having him choose you over her?





I guess what I'm getting at is: can't you find someone else?
- January 1st, 2009, 03:47 pm
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laila_a laila_a is offline
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ataru wrote :

If he would do it FOR you, he'd do it TO you just as quick. Why look for a relationship where you have to worry about this sort of nonsense?
I feel as ifhe has so many things about him that I like that is hard to find in just one guy. Your right though. I went into this thinking okay,I known him for a while, I know he has a gf, so we could just be friends because I do have guy friends. We have never been intimate, kissed or anything. The last time we hung out I realized that my feelings have changed.
- January 1st, 2009, 04:13 pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :

Everyone is right on the money. You can't put any pressure on him. Don't try to make any moves.Plus, all relationships go through highs and lows, peaks and valleys. In a couple of months, it may go back to a peak.


Part of me alsowonders if you now want him because he is unavailable. His niceness and sensetivity work as a "friend" but would they work as a "boyfriend?" There are too many stories on here about how, "I decided to pursue a relationship with someone I've been a good friend with for a long time, and it just doesn't work as a relationship and now I don't know what to do."


And Ataru makes a valid point. If the two of you got together, whenyour relationship hits a valley, he might just as well leave you for the next "fun and supportive" girl. After all, if he broke it off with a girl of 4 years to be with you, it only stands to reason. Plus, would you want to be with someone who behaves like that in the first place?


I alsohate to say it, but you had your chance before. And you most likelyturned him down for another reason in addition to beingafraid of commitment. That fear of commitment magically disappears when the right person comes around.

Someone had told me the same exact thing that you said in the first paragraph. You could be right.But back then I did like him butIwas shy and was really afraid of being in a relationship. I had alot of guys who liked and admired me. My parents had just got adivorce and I think that aneffect onme.When Isaw him at the restaurant I was really hoping that he was single. Honestly, I am not the type of girl that enjoys being on the sidelines or even breaking up a relationship. Thank you for your advice it was helpful.
- January 1st, 2009, 04:39 pm
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