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Glider_Pilot Glider_Pilot is offline
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Glider_Pilot Out there. Somewhere.

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cappagirl wrote :

...But I'm not young!! I'm 28!


My friends are having babies already and i'm dealing with this mess!!
You're young. Deal with it.


And all of your friends who are having babies are telling you what a wonderful experience it is, and how they're the happiest they've ever been in their life, just so that you, too, get to share the joy of 2am feedings, 4am feedings, diapers, feeling distant from the spouse, etc.


Misery loves company.
- January 14th, 2009, 02:26 pm
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jayjay wrote :

You are WAY too cute and young (among other things) to think about giving up. Just take a little breather and some of the advice given above. You'll get your heart's desire....don't despair.
cappagirl, Jayjay is flirting with you! -- We vouch for him as being one of the really, really good guys! --- So, as hard as it may be, wipe your tears, swallow hard, and try to smile.


It happens to all of us, even in situations where we HAVE met the person in real life and hit it off.... there are no guarantees and no rules when it comes to love or the Internet. The two of them together requires extra caution.


Get mad and get it out of your system, but DON'T give up!
- January 14th, 2009, 02:28 pm
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I_have_the_simplist_of_tastes_ The last(ing) embrace...unearthed in the ruins of Pompeii

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I have to agree with some of Altair's intuition on this one. He comes across a little on the dramatic side. If he really is so devastated from a previous relationship, my guess is this one will end the same. Don't be available when he comes back to you with his sob story of how unfair love is. Something just doesn't add up with him.
- January 14th, 2009, 02:45 pm
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cappagirl cappagirl is offline
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cappagirl is back after 5 months!!!

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Glider_Pilot wrote :

> "~I had a feeling I'd be hearing from you on this one, lol"


I'm not going to be satisfied until you announce on eHA your one-year anniversary with The Best Guy Ever. And by that I mean a year of actually dating (in person)and having an 'exclusive' arrangement with him. You're a great girl. You deserve every happiness in the world. And I'll nitpick and hassleyou until you realize it and act upon it.


> "~HOW????? Because I'm clearly looking in all the wrong places."


Honestly? Spend more time going out doing the things you like to do, in places and situations where you can meet new men doing them each time. We've talked about that here before - activity clubs, meetup groups, etc. Start a meetup group like my SoCal Meetup discussion group here on eHA, butfor your area. We've had a blast meeting like that.Keep at the online dating, but get to be much more cynical about it - you're still far too optimistic about online communication if you're falling for someone you haven't actually met yet.


> "He wants to meet me to prove to me how 'sorry' he is about this whole thing..."


Oooooo. Bad sign. You want a guy who wants to meet you just to meet you, not to "prove" something about himself. That doesn't bode well for any future you two might have together. A good man apologizes for his mistakes and then moves on. He doesn't have to "prove" anything, since his word is good and he will have enough discretion to avoid some really obvious mistakes in the first place.


Keep your faith up, Cappa, but keep both eyes open, too.
I'm not going to be satisfied until you announce on eHA your one-year anniversary with The Best Guy Ever. And by that I mean a year of actually dating (in person)and having an 'exclusive' arrangement with him. You're a great girl. You deserve every happiness in the world. And I'll nitpick and hassleyou until you realize it and act upon it.
~ LOL - One-year -don't hold your breath!
I'm tryyyying to realize it - but its a little hard to keep the faith when all you do is get failure after failure with this stuff!

Honestly? Spend more time going out doing the things you like to do, in places and situations where you can meet new men doing them each time. We've talked about that here before - activity clubs, meetup groups, etc. Start a meetup group like my SoCal Meetup discussion group here on eHA, butfor your area. We've had a blast meeting like that.Keep at the online dating, but get to be much more cynical about it - you're still far too optimistic about online communication if you're falling for someone you haven't actually met yet.
~As lame as this sounds...I don't really 'go out' like you think. I hate the bars/pubs. The only place I go to other than work or the mall or grocery store...is the gym. I don't think thats really the idea place to meet anyone.
But maybe you have a point about the meetup group. But what do you guys do when you meet??Where do you go? Is like a group-support for singles in your area?
If I get cynical about online dating then how am I ever going to open myself up to a real opportunity when it comes along????

That doesn't bode well for any future you two might have together
~You say this like theres still potential of a future with us
- January 14th, 2009, 02:55 pm
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cappagirl cappagirl is offline
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :

Thanks! But I'm not young!! I'm 28! My friends are having babies already and i'm dealing with this mess!!


Herein may lie another problem: You're trying to compete with your friends.


If you think of yourself as old, and think the clock is ticking, and you need to be getting married and having babies in order to "keep up" with your friends, then I am pretty sure the guy picked up on that.


You said yourself that you've never met the guy, but yet, you felt that he was the one. How can you develop feelings for somebody that you haven't met? Think of it the opposite way: What if some guy from the internet that you've never met told you "I think you're the one." Puts it in perspective, doesn't it? You creeped him out.


Honestly, it seems as though he was trying to be nice and let you down easy long ago. He was right in saying that he didn't lead you on. He said he wasn't ready to start dating. He said he was hesitant to meet. How muchclearer couldhe be? But despite the fact that you might have creeped him out, he still liked you as an e-buddy and therefore, kept you around.


Take this as a lesson, and really, ALL ladies should know this: We men use the same rejection lines that you do.


You also say that there are no nice, honest, decent men left. As a nice, honest and decent man, I can tell you that, yes, in fact, we do exist. But what's the catch when it comes to me? According to the boards, the catch is that I'm 5'7", 145 and don't have a prestigious job.


One last thing: I turn 28 in about a month. I still think of myself as young. So if you're saying that you aren't young, then you're saying that I'm not young either. I plan to live past 34. I have plenty of time left before I need to do the whole marriage/family thing.[/quote]












Herein may lie another problem: You're trying to compete with your friends.
~Its not about competition. I dont want those things just because they have them. I've wanted them for a long time and it hurts that I have to stand by watching them live the life that I want.



If you think of yourself as old, and think the clock is ticking, and you need to be getting married and having babies in order to "keep up" with your friends, then I am pretty sure the guy picked up on that.
~I never indicated to him that I wanted marriage/kids right away. But we both found each other in the 'relationship' section of the website - so it's pretty clear what both of us are set out for


You said yourself that you've never met the guy, but yet, you felt that he was the one. How can you develop feelings for somebody that you haven't met? ~Trust me, it's possible. Maybe i jumped the gun on a few things...but its most certainly possible to develop feelings for someone simply by talking to them
Think of it the opposite way: What if some guy from the internet that you've never met told you "I think you're the one." Puts it in perspective, doesn't it? You creeped him out.
~I never thought for sure he was 'the one'...thats just crazy. I meant that the more i got to know him...the more I realized that he had the potential to be 'the one'. And regardles...I never EVER told him those feelings. That's relationship suicide. I'm not a total idiot.


Honestly, it seems as though he was trying to be nice and let you down easy long ago. ~HOW DO YOU FIGURE??? When only a few days ago, he indicated to me he wanted to meet this week if possible!!
He was right in saying that he didn't lead you on.~I disagree 100%. When he told me a week ago that hestill wasnt sure if he was readyI told him that I UNDERSTOOD and that I wouldn't push him and glad he was upfront with me. He replied saying that he still wanted to meet me and see what happened!! So YES - that's leading me on!!
He said he wasn't ready to start dating. He said he was hesitant to meet. How much clearer could he be? But despite the fact that you might have creeped him out, he still liked you as an e-buddy and therefore, kept you around.


One last thing: I turn 28 in about a month. I still think of myself as young. So if you're saying that you aren't young, then you're saying that I'm not young either. I plan to live past 34. I have plenty of time left before I need to do the whole marriage/family thing.~No offense but you don't exactly have a biological clock that ticking. I'm not saying that if im not married and having kids by the time I'm 29, then forget it. But a womens opportunity window is A LOT smaller than a mans.
- January 14th, 2009, 03:05 pm
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Glider_Pilot wrote :




And all of your friends who are having babies are telling you what a wonderful experience it is, and how they're the happiest they've ever been in their life, just so that you, too, get to share the joy of 2am feedings, 4am feedings, diapers, feeling distant from the spouse, etc.


Misery loves company.
And all of your friends who are having babies are telling you what a wonderful experience it is, and how they're the happiest they've ever been in their life, just so that you, too, get to share the joy of 2am feedings, 4am feedings, diapers, feeling distant from the spouse, etc.


~LOL - I don't about you, but my friends aren't miserable like that! Sure being married and being a parent aren't exactly glamerous but the rewards certainly outweigh all the negative you just mentioned. I hope thats not what your outlook is on marriage and kids...lol
To me its about the loving commitment they get from their spouse(s)...and unconditional love they receive from their children. Those are the things that I want.
- January 14th, 2009, 03:16 pm
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I am sorry this happened to you Cappagirl, but please don't let this get you down. Without interrogating the guy there is really noway for you to know how he met the other girl. One possibility is he had already met her but she may have been in a relationship at the time then finally was free again. I have seen this type of thing happen before. I always felt sadfor the girl left behind. I personally could not ever do this to a girl.


Dust yourself off, go buy some good books and see if you can not find a hiking partner. If you have not been you might want to pay a visit to Vancouver Island. I hear they have decent skiing and the mountains are breath taking. You can see Orcas from the northern port.


Good Luck


- January 14th, 2009, 03:30 pm
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cappagirl wrote :


...But maybe you have a point about the meetup group. But what do you guys do when you meet??Where do you go? Is like a group-support for singles in your area?...


We just get together and go have fun. No dating emphasis, no "singles' emphasis, but since married and 'steady' people can't seem to make time for these sorts of events, they're predominantly attended by singles - which works to your advantage. Throw enough single people together having fun - especially if there's no stated 'singles' pressure - and dating will happen. Lots of dating.


For my SoCal Meetup group, just go to my profile here and click on the group name in my list of groups.


For other such events, check out MeetupDOTcom and OutdoorsclubDOTorg. There are many others (google "activity groups" and the name of your area), but those are the ones I know.
- January 14th, 2009, 04:45 pm
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cappagirl, I am sorry to say this but you come across even on this board as a little bit desperate. Did you also tell this guy that you are 28 and all your friends are already married and having babies? Because that one thing might have freaked him out even before you met. He might have been putting meeting in person off because of that. And maybe that other girl was much more easygoing. You really need to change your perspective on this baby thing. Perhaps it is a pre-30-freaking-out that you are suffering from and I can tell you it will pass once you pass 30. Do you live in a sparsely populated area in Canada? Move to a big city! Ignore your married friends a bit and make new single ones that don't worry about getting married and having babies asap! (If I were you I still would go and meet the guy, just out of curiosity. But only if you make up your mind that you won't consider him a romantic interest anymore and stick with it. Maybe you can learn a few things about YOURSELF by talking to him.)


Glider P, that is such a great idea to start a meetup group based on this eharmony-advice. THat is like a singles club without all the stigmas that are usually attached to such clubs! How many members do you have? Can cappagirl attend next time she is in the area? Please, take her in
- January 14th, 2009, 04:47 pm
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I've experienced both ends of the spectrum. One gal on another site sought me out and expressed an interest in getting to know me. OK, we emailed each other for a few weeks and spoke on the phone once. So far, so good. No firm first date yet. Then out of the blue she informs me that she met someone else and wanted to see where it goes. At least she was up front and didn't just vanish into thin air. I had no problem letting go whatsoever and got over it in about two minutes.





On another occasion, one of my EH matches pulled a Houdini when I suggested we meet. Never heard from her again. Didn't even have the decency to tell me she wasn't interested orchickened outormet someone else. Oh well, good riddance.





Just for the record, I closed a match once when she suggested meeting for coffee. I felt we didn't seem to have all that much in common.
- January 14th, 2009, 04:47 pm
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