Kathy, we're strangers and this may be harsh, but seeing as how I've lived something just like this...but mine went on for 13 years, I have but one question. Are you sleeping with him? None of my business, and it's rhetorical, but 1) if you are that's why he's keeping you around, you are good at what ever it is you do, or as my guy friends will say 'you're his backup, his feel good girl when things aren't so hot, you're his security blanket, but you are not his wife." 2) if you're not, again then you are still his ego boost, his brag point and pick him up. He's using you, I'm almost positive if you gave him an ultimatum to commit or you're out as you don't have time to let this much grass grow under your feet he'd bolt, like yesterday!


As far as 20 years older...really? And he can't commit? Do you know what happened with his 1st marriage, why did it fail and who was at fault? Don't just take his word for it, do a lil digging and the truth can be found. Did he cheat emotionally, physically, etc, or did she? If he did then he'll do it again, and is probably looking for his sugar on the side, while at the same time, getting his cake somewhere else. If it was her he may be taking this out on you with his dis-trust or fear of failure. Neither one deserve your attention or time, there's a real man out there who won't jerk you around or use you. I should know, I was the queen of letting men use me, until I woke up and realized what my friends, guys especially, were saying was true. What if the real man of your dreams is out there, and see's you wasting time on someone who's just killing yours, how much more time could you have spent with the man of your dreams who will give anything to commit to you and spend the rest of his life being committed to you.


Just some things to think about. I could be wrong, maybe he's just slow, but you owe it to yourself to know or to go! What does your gut say? Not your heart, not your head...but your gut...womens' intuition! Our heart craves love...from anyone no matter what, our head tells us we must be with someone, especially the longer we are with them, to be loved/feel loved. Neither will guide us in sound decisions, our gut is hardly ever wrong if we really tune in to what it's saying! Sorry to offend if I over stepped my bounds, but I can't stand seeing my fellow females being jerked around when I know plenty of amazing men waiting on the objects of their affection to wake up and leave the users and abusers they claim to love so much, so they can spoil them for the rest of their lives.


Good luck, I wish you the best no matter what!