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Lying about age is a terrible idea, it will only bite her in the end. She should be honest, and with the eHarmony success rate she is likely to still meet a lovely person.
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:58 pm
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independentthinker wrote :
This interpretation is interesting to me. I wouldn't have thought that there necessarily would be a negative or cynical assumption associated with a woman seeking to be matched with an older man.

But from the woman's point of view, especially if she is of a "certain age", your chances of men within 5 years of your age wanting to be matched with you goes way down. They want younger, especially, as one poster pointed out, if they are thinking about having children.

All other things being equal I would prefer a man my age, but I would get far, far less communication if I didn't open myself up to matches 10 to 15 years older. Once the match is made, I attempt to see what the real motivation is. Some men make it very clear that they want someone my age and that they have no interest in women their own age. That turns me way off. If they seem, like me, not to be obsessed with age but are simply receptive to a range, that's great. It has absolutely nothing to do with money. Period. I do expect, however, a man 15 years older to be financially stable.

Pertaining to Match, in my experience (eHarmony seemed to feel the same, but doesn’t use the same data):

I would say about one-third of women use an age range barely encompassing their own and going much higher: for instance, she will be 37 and list 35-50 for her desired match. These women usually select all the salary ranges over her own, inclusive of her own, or exclusive.

Another one-third will have a range totally over her own: for instance, she will be 29 and list 30-40 for her matches. These women are even more biased to the salary ranges only over hers.

The remainder are split between a tight range about her own age, seeking men skewing younger, or seeking extreme older men (I saw one, she was 22 and wanted men 40-60.)

It is common to find an early 30’s women, with desired matches set at 35-50; she’ll usually have the “match’s required salary” set at only the six-figure options. This was very frustrating – and it’s not like they brought anything to the table in terms of attractiveness (or anything else.)

***

Using online dating as a man, you come away with the conclusion women want money more than anything, they want much older men (with money), they do not consider men making less money than they do, they do not consider men with less-prestigious occupational titles or lesser educational attainment (for bachelor’s degreed women; post-graduates are more willing to consider BS-only men), and they demand he be of greater height (often stated as her height “in heels.”)
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:32 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Pertaining to Match, in my experience (eHarmony seemed to feel the same, but doesn’t use the same data):

I would say about one-third of women use an age range barely encompassing their own and going much higher: for instance, she will be 37 and list 35-50 for her desired match. These women usually select all the salary ranges over her own, inclusive of her own, or exclusive.

Another one-third will have a range totally over her own: for instance, she will be 29 and list 30-40 for her matches. These women are even more biased to the salary ranges only over hers.

The remainder are split between a tight range about her own age, seeking men skewing younger, or seeking extreme older men (I saw one, she was 22 and wanted men 40-60.)

It is common to find an early 30’s women, with desired matches set at 35-50; she’ll usually have the “match’s required salary” set at only the six-figure options. This was very frustrating – and it’s not like they brought anything to the table in terms of attractiveness (or anything else.)

***

Using online dating as a man, you come away with the conclusion women want money more than anything, they want much older men (with money), they do not consider men making less money than they do, they do not consider men with less-prestigious occupational titles or lesser educational attainment (for bachelor’s degreed women; post-graduates are more willing to consider BS-only men), and they demand he be of greater height (often stated as her height “in heels.”)
I know I am the exception, not to the rule. But, being 36, I have found it difficult to relate to men under the age of 30 (or there about). Unless they are quite mature for their age, there is usually a quite a disparity in terms of life experience. I do not correlate age with occupational title or money, rather, with my ability to relate to someone. I have dated men from all walks of life, I do not discriminate based on job, income. But, I certainly wouldn't date someone that couldn't pay their own bills, they need to be self-sufficient.

I am not searching for a sugar daddy or someone to take care of me. I do just fine on my own, thank you very much. I do not NEED someone, but I would like to find someone to share my life with. If my goal was strictly to find "a man to marry and take care of me" I would have settled and done that a long time ago.
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:53 pm
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Alot of profiles on eHarmony list someone as relationship quality as being honest; sincere. If you are really looking for an authentic relationship then trust is the way to go. A thriving relationship cannot ulimately finish its course unless there is trust. For me, I believe honesty is the best policy ;c)
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:54 pm
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As a woman, 36, where is your matching age set?

Why did you choose the ages you did?

Can you give us some comments about men at different ages?

If you're using a site which states income, did you state yours and what do you specify in your matches and why?
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:57 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Using online dating as a man, you come away with the conclusion women want money more than anything, they want much older men (with money), they do not consider men making less money than they do, they do not consider men with less-prestigious occupational titles or lesser educational attainment (for bachelor’s degreed women; post-graduates are more willing to consider BS-only men), and they demand he be of greater height (often stated as her height “in heels.”)[/font]
Oh come on Frog. I don't know how long you have been doing online dating, but I think it has been too long. Sounds like it is time to quit. Quit with me (or Trixie if you prefer. She's cooler than me ). Online dating makes me think men only want women who are more attractive, thinner, more sophisticated and dumber and most importantly youngerthan I. But I refuse to believe either of our perceptions are true about the real world.
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:58 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
As a woman, 36, where is your matching age set?

Why did you choose the ages you did?

Can you give us some comments about men at different ages?

If you're using a site which states income, did you state yours and what do you specify in your matches and why?
Honestly, Frog, we're not all like that. I don't think even the majority of us are like that, though I agree there will always be some who are.

I'm 44 and not on Match or eH anymore, but when I was my age range was set at 40-59, so 4 years younger and 15 older. It had nothing to do with money, it had to do with the fact that I think older is sexier, kind of a Father Figure thing. The only guy I dated younger than myself was a drunk and just a hot mess in a lot of ways. VERY immature.

Sure, I would expect a man to be making at least as much as I do, but only because I took years off to take care of kids, so I pretty much started over again at 38. It doesn't take much to earn more than I do. But if he didn't, and there was a reason other than simple lazness or feelings of entitlement, I would be fine with it, as long as he was fully able to take care of himself without my help, which is what I would expect him to want in me as well.

I'm not alone in this, am I girls?
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:08 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Using online dating as a man, you come away with the conclusion women want money more than anything, they want much older men (with money)...
I've honestly never gotten the impression from any woman I've dated that she was highly interested in how much money a man made. Also, if anything I've gotten the impression that they didn't want a man who was too much older than they are (though some women from other cultures have been exceptions).
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:09 pm
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Librarybabe ~ danke liebling. Frog would be very lucky to get either of us since he doesn't really earn enough and is too short. Sometimes, strangely, he is also simply too nice.

Chawks ~ I hear ya. Love, love, love gray hair. A head full of gray hair. Sexier than a shared bank account.
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:12 pm
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D_Lion wrote :
As a woman, 36, where is your matching age set?

Why did you choose the ages you did?

Can you give us some comments about men at different ages?

If you're using a site which states income, did you state yours and what do you specify in your matches and why?
I will give you the data to put into your spreadsheet

I did a 20 year spread, from 28-48. However, on eH I didn't put age as a must have in my settings.

My spread based on experiences OUTSIDE of online dating (referring to the younger number and emotional maturity). My top cutoff, 48, is strictly because it sounds weird if a man is closer to my dad's age than my own.

I have friends that are in the 45-50 group and you would never guess it, they are young at heart, active and vivacious. However, I also have friends that are younger than myself and have no lust for life. They seem as though they are 45 rather than 33.

So, I will not judge a book solely by the number of years they've been on this earth. To me it's all about your outlook on life. I do not to stereotype a man by his age. And, I hope men wouldn't stereotype me by my age either, however, I know this happens, it's just the way people operate.

Yes, my income and job are stated. I only specify that my matches make as much as I do.
Last edited by alissag; November 3rd, 2009 at 05:17 pm.
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:14 pm
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