Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 13 1 2 3 4 12 Last »
View First Unread View First Unread  
LinkBack Thread Tools
6dle899 6dle899 is offline
6dle899's Avatar

6dle899 Losing faith in humanity. One person at a time.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 3,764

See profile

Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
nightling wrote :
So you want immediate exclusivity? With someone you don't know very well?

You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
- November 6th, 2009, 08:35 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
nightling nightling is online now
nightling's Avatar

nightling -- there is pain, there is rain. No one's ever completely sane.

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,357

See profile

6dle899 wrote :
You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
This is kind of a personal attack don't ya think?

I asked the question because what she said didn't quite make sense to me and I wanted more information.

I am sorry, Mango. I didn't see the words right now and apparently misread what you were saying. Evidently I needed to read slower this morning. *hasn't had her coffee yet*
Last edited by nightling; November 6th, 2009 at 08:42 am.
- November 6th, 2009, 08:39 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is relieved that the homebuyer's tax credit has been extended.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,412

See profile

Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
What I think this shows is the difference between the head and the heart that can exist. People can have ideas that sound great theoretically, and may even be practical....but this doesn't mean how we'll feel will be consistent with this. For example, you can 'know' intellectually that you're not in an exclusive relationship with someone and have no claim to their not dating someone else....but that doesn't mean you necessarily won't feel hurt if you become aware of the fact that they are.
- November 6th, 2009, 09:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,346

See profile

parakeetjordan wrote :
Can we discuss the ethical considerations of dating multiple people, how specifically the people of this board have handled juggling dating different people at the same time (i.e., give examples), and at what point does dating multiple people before one is in an exclusive relationship feel unethical to you?
Until such time as BOTH a match and I have discussed and agreed that we want to be exclusive I can see nothing wrong or unethical with dating as many different people as I am comfortable with being able to keep straight and can afford. Before you have BOTH agreed to be exclusive you are JUST DATING, you are not in a relationship. Do you only have one friend?

If you date only one person at a time then you are looking for "the one" in a serial fashion and you may find yourself at 150 years old and still have never found "the one".

You don't mention what religious beliefs you have but you may care to read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud, a psychologist, dating coach and Christian author. His recommended approach, in a nut shell, is meeting at least 5 new people a week, dating multiple people at a time and approaching dating someone from the standpoint of dating for the fun of the date and not because you feel that this person is "the one".
- November 6th, 2009, 09:12 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,346

See profile

my5cents wrote :
I think in the case of internet dating, it's almost impossible to date or correspond with just one person at a time. I have met two men in one week, but none of them worked out so I've never gotten to experience dating multiple people. I think corresponding is one thing, and dating multiple people would be hard. I guess go out with them until you can narrow down who fits you best and what you're looking for. At that time it would be best to talk about exclusivity.

I also think it's very difficult to be with someone when you can see they check their profile every day and are still actively searching (you can see this on other dating sites). In someways the internet may not be your friend. <--That was hard for me when I was dating a guy for some months, because it kind of makes the foundation of what a relationship based on hard to build on. At least for me since I'm really a one woman to one man kind of gal.
Thank you. I was reading the other posts and beginning to believe that I am the only one who only gets a first date. Of course the other poster are women so I am wondering why the ones that post here give the guy the opportunity for more than one date before dropping him, they sure don't live down here.

So in order to know that your date is checking the dating site would mean that you are also checking the dating site. Double standard here???
- November 6th, 2009, 09:25 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
Harvey7's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 1,027

See profile

Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.

WHY?
You want what you want when you want it?

Harvey7.
- November 6th, 2009, 09:32 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,346

See profile

Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
nightling wrote :
So you want immediate exclusivity? With someone you don't know very well?
6dle899 wrote :
You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
Have to say I read Mangosteen's post the same as nightling. At least that she is expecting exclusivity as being shared by osmosis rather than discussing it and BOTH agreeing that is what they both want. Or maybe what she is trying to say is that there is a double standard.
- November 6th, 2009, 09:33 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
Lilycat Lilycat is offline
Lilycat's Avatar

Lilycat where is the cat icon when you need one lol

Quick Study

Join Date: Nov 2009

Posts: 154

See profile

IMHO, you need to define the word dating for yourself, and then based on that definition you would establish a personal set of ethics/standards to go along with. You need to communicate these to people you are involved with so everyone is on the same page, others definitions of the word may be radically different than yours, and probably are. Reading the posts here I sense that the definitions of dating are wide ranging just in this thread, imagine what you will run into in a large group of people. Unless you are clear about your definition and theirs, you are asking for trouble.
So the major consideration for me is that we (myself and anyone who I was dating) are on the same page, and understand what the word dating means to us.

Lilycat (where is there a cat icon when I need one lol)
- November 6th, 2009, 09:34 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is online now
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 522

See profile

Until you have had sex, dating multiple people is fine. Afterwards it's nasty and gross.

No need for the 'exclusivity' talk. If I'm having sex with someone and they are still 'dating' other people the relationship ends the moment I find that out.
- November 6th, 2009, 10:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
parakeetjordan parakeetjordan is offline
parakeetjordan's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 154

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Thank you. I was reading the other posts and beginning to believe that I am the only one who only gets a first date. Of course the other poster are women so I am wondering why the ones that post here give the guy the opportunity for more than one date before dropping him, they sure don't live down here.

So in order to know that your date is checking the dating site would mean that you are also checking the dating site. Double standard here???
For me, I tend to not date a guy a second time if I don't have a strong attraction for him during the first date because I know most guys expect a kiss during the second date, and I don't want to lead him on. If I knew that we could just spend time getting to know each other without the physical expectation, I may take the time to get to know the guys better before I decide whether or not to pursue things further.
- November 6th, 2009, 12:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 13 1 2 3 4 12 Last »

Bookmarks

« Seniors have different needs | Array | Need some advice please... »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Question: Why is socialism bad? The1Tomcat Politics 269 November 22nd, 2009 02:40 am
How to balance looks and other qualities when dating? IMCurious Dating 13 May 20th, 2009 02:09 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“PY You are totally making sense....That's the kinda stuff that either makes for great love stories or depressing ones about love lost. Maybe I need to go re-watch the Notebook to rev up my Emotional ... ” – SincerelySarcastic

Join the “Is it meant to be?” discussion

“arby8 I can understand your confusion. First I will answer your IceBreaker question. Never send an IceBreaker because it is interpreted as a sign that you are a non-paying member. OK now how it ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “Newbie with a question about how it all works...” discussion

“” – littlebluemonkeymind

Join the “Is everyone but me dating?” discussion

“I think the same rules apply, send a few messages back and forth, move to phone and then if there is still chemistry there after communicating for a certain period of time than make arrangements to ... ” – stevex

Join the “Need to know” discussion

“It is actually kind of funny that I am saw this thread today because just last night I was thinking about how I probably spend far too much being paranoid and worrying about how a relationship is ... ” – stevex

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“I went fishing with the alien and caught a bunch of fish but unfortunately, none of them was big enough to keep. Then, someone gave us a big flounder while we were there. It was such a great day! ... ” – AsianFusion

Join the “Monday November 23rd weekend & date roundup!” discussion

“I would never intentionally get into the express line. One day at Wal Mart I realized I had gone into the express with too many items and started to back out. The clerk told me to come ahead. ... ” – k9force

Join the “Ever been Caught in the Wrong Line?” discussion

“ I was discussing POF with a friend last night. She has given up on POF as she has found that it is a site with a lot of ladies of the evening and guys looking for them.” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:31 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0