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dede54 dede54 is offline
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summerktgrl, wrote :
I've been on eHarmony for about a month now and would like your input on a few questions! Will you help me? 1) Ladies, do you ever request the initial communication with a match? I haven't so far, I guess I'm old-fashioned but I think if a guy is interested he will make the first move. What are your thoughts? 2) Also, how long would you expect to communicate with someone prior to meeting? I'm on eHarmony to start dating in the real world, that's the point right? Thanks!
Iam a Newbie also and I feel the same way as you do.Your matchgets the same We got a match for you as we do. so if he is interested than he will make that frist step. If you are compatibale than go for it if not then offer your reasons or reason and close the match.A guy who puts a woman on hold while he pursues another I thank is really not a match for me that is telling me a lot about him already.I have been on about a month and I do feel that I will meet my life partner so good luck!
- February 29th, 2008, 03:24 am
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jembee jembee is offline
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jellis wrote :
I did start communicating first, mind you I am new to this and didn't really know what i was doing, but we are in the open stage this and we seem to have alot in common, except now I am hesitant to take it further because I mentioned he prefers a "thin and lean" body type and I am maybe 5lbs or so overweight not unfit in any way and I feel I look good but I am by no means "thin and lean" I am feeling like I should end this now, I need some help with this.
If your pictures are accurate and up to date, let him decide if he is attracted to you! That's his job, not yours. If you asked most men they would probably answer the same way, not really thinking about a real woman, just their dream woman. DO NOT end communication if you are interested, you could loose out on a great thing. Take a chance. Good luck!
- March 3rd, 2008, 02:03 pm
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Hadassah Hadassah is offline
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summerktgrl, wrote :
I've been on eHarmony for about a month now and would like your input on a few questions! Will you help me? 1) Ladies, do you ever request the initial communication with a match? I haven't so far, I guess I'm old-fashioned but I think if a guy is interested he will make the first move. What are your thoughts? 2) Also, how long would you expect to communicate with someone prior to meeting? I'm on eHarmony to start dating in the real world, that's the point right? Thanks!
I have been on eharmony for 6 months and have been communicating outside of the site with a match on our personal emails only since the end of January 2008.we have been emailing only each other for 1.5 months...we have not spoken on the phone yet or met. I initated the contact because I loved his bio and wanted the optiontoask hm to re-open if he closed me out...that's how wonderful his information was. our "letters" are so wonderful I actually asked him tonight if he wanted a "pen pal" and basically told himour information showed we both were looking for a spouse...so I told him to put the "keyboard down" and see if the chemistry was there in person..

we will see what happens.
- March 5th, 2008, 11:37 pm
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SkyHawk SkyHawk is offline
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Of course it's okay to initiate contact! C'mon Ladies... how can we expect the guys to drop the double standards if we don't? So go for it!!
- March 7th, 2008, 06:59 pm
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Denthris Denthris is offline
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Please do, as a guy and a realative newbie here its nice to know that people are interested in what I have put in my profile. Of course I'm starting communcations with some of my matches, but I'm not perfect and its easy for me to miss something in a profile that could catch my attention. If you think you could be possibly interested in anybody, start commuication, at this point it really is only a hint that you could like them. Its not like your proposing for marriage yet.
- March 10th, 2008, 11:37 am
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itsmeyourdream wrote :

Hi I am new here too. I have initiated communication every time (which is making me wonder whats wrong with my profile that no one has contacted me first but whatever lol). I have a couple different stages of communication going on (painfully slow). The hardest part for me is the waiting for responses...to wait for someone to contact me first is not an option. Thats what I've been doing offline and it hasn't worked very well so far, so why would I try that approach here.

I have a question though...how am I supposed to go on a date with someone when most all of my matches are across country???


Hi everyone...i have been a paying member for a week now and have initatiated EVERY communication so far - with ZERO results (except for the odd close).I was beginning to think my settings wereoff or broken! lol So in response to the OP i would say go for it, cos most of them aren't going to reply anyway! Whats WITH that?? Why do these peple go through this lengthy process and not bother to reply? And why cant EH show us that they are not a paying member...that way, those of us who are serious about this wouldnt have to waste out time with tire-kickers!

As for itsmeyourdream's comment regarding distance i have a couple things to say. First, you should check your settings. I have mine set to 60 miles away and it seems to be working, allof my matches are close.(I'm not prepared to move across the continent either!). Second, i have had a few matches closed because of distance, and yet, if EH is matching me with similar guys..how come they dont want to go up to 60 miles? Guess its another excuse!
- March 10th, 2008, 12:25 pm
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ellandroader82 ellandroader82 is offline
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MrE wrote :

The great thing about online dating is that you don't have to limit yourself by gender role as much as you would otherwise. Why limit your possibilities by not initiating? Unless you are only after a very "traditional" man, I don't see the problem. Don't make yourself into an e-wallflower. There are shy men out there too.
I agree. EHarmony is a pitch leveller in respect of gender roles. Everybody is now in the same boat so if you like someone, contact them. Members are all looking for the same thing and you know that already, rather than having to play the guessing games that you do in a real-life situation.

I would say that many of the guys who date online are shy too. For example, I am more comfortable with an email exchange gradually getting to know someone as opposed to talking on the spot and having to make a good impression there and then.



- March 10th, 2008, 02:12 pm
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riorita riorita is offline
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I am discouraged!! Help! I have been communicating with someone for two or three months through the web site. We were first matched almost 5 months ago. I realize we live in different states, but this slow pace is unnatural and frustrating. What do I do?

riorita
- March 10th, 2008, 02:56 pm
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ucmecucme ucmecucme is offline
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I initiate almost all my contacts - some are lemons some are pure sugar - all had something in their profile I liked - I've had a number initiate conact with me - still get lemon and sugar - "close or hold communication" is a safe way to not continue - and so is hanging up the phone.

Make the initiation - of all the people on my list - i more than 1/2 have not replied to my initial request (so? almost half have replied!! I like these odds already!) of those I communicated with, I am still wondering where their reply is for well over half of those ( but i have reasonable time limits for the rest - still great odds) ok so i am down to less than half of half of those i communicated with and guess what? more than half of those I will meet with and never see again ( leaving les than half of them to choose from)

It is a numbers game - by now i am down to around 10% of possibles i would like to see more of or could see more of - I love these odds and i am still looking! Everyone I dont find suitable is closer to one who is!

You joined this site - what to be chased? or to go looking yourself to see whats out there? If that is the case then go enjoy the chase! I know the fellas like it - even if only for their ego!

Are you in it to win? Or just playing around? JJ
- March 11th, 2008, 12:15 am
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thesecretofjoy thesecretofjoy is offline
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I would like to chime in and say that I've never once had a guy initiate communication. I think it's because I don't give them time to! As soon as my matches come in, I check them out, decide if I'm interesting in communicating and then close the ones I'm not interested in. the ones I am I do. Immediately! Why waste time?

Sure, there might be a guy or two who is put off by me saying "hi!" first. It's nice to get them out of the way first thing. Oh, you're one of those, huh? K, bye!

It honestly never occured to me to sit and wait for one of my matches to start communicating! These archaic notions of what is and isn't appropriate for a woman to do just really trouble me! Do you believe men and women are equal or not?! If you do, then don't sit around waiting for the guys to decide for you who you're going to communicate with! According to some of the men who've chimed in above, many of them are worried you're out of their league. Why not let them know they aren't?
- March 11th, 2008, 07:52 am
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