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lostdude lostdude is offline
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My long distance relationship ex broke things off with me 5 months ago, in a very bad way (we were scheduled to go to Arizona for a vacation...she canceled on me 2 days before). Since then she's made tiny efforts to de-alienate us, but she wasn't exactly nice in those emails and so I ignored her.

Recently I removed her from my Facebook (took me long enough) and she reacted. She tried to get me to contact her, but I didn't. So she blocked me (unfriending and blocking are different). That caused me to react...I'm not sure why.

So I foolishly emailed her, spilling my guts. Even though she was the one who burned our relationship to the ground (she canceled and broke us up because I didn't call her enough, but never voiced her concerns. It was just all of a sudden "I'm not going"), I told her I still think about her, too much. So I had to remove her from my facebook.

She replied with a very kind email, and then said she was going to be in town in August and September, and she'd like to see me. Not to try to be friends or mess with me, but because seeing me one more time will help her "remove the rest of the hurt."

I sent back a not so kind email, because at one point in the relationship, I snooped in her cell phone and found some bad texts in her phone, to her ex. Calling him "sweetie" and "i miss you" and "i want to hug you!"...all while we were in Vegas on vacation together. He sent her texts like "I want to lick you!" and "you should be in my cube right now." I never came clean, but decided if we were gonna attempt to fix any kind of relationship, I had to get that monkey off my back. I told her about the texts she sent him, but didn't mention the texts he sent her. I wrote in the email that I know snooping is wrong and I am not proud of doing that at all.

She replied that I don't understand her and she see's nothing wrong w/ those texts, at all. She said what I did was unforgivable and it makes her want to throw up. We fight it out and finally I ask myself...what is the point? We aren't getting back together. So why fight? So I sent one more email saying I'm sad we're over, but lets just leave it alone.

She came back saying sort of the same thing...but still wants to meet?! Why would she still want to meet? I told her I violated her trust. I gave her all the "I'm not mad at you" mushy "I miss you" already. Why does she still want to meet?!
- July 3rd, 2009, 06:58 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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Hi there,
And welcome!

She is trying to get over your relationship, but deep down she doesn't actually want to get over you at all.

I feel that the reasons lie in the cause and expression of your break up, so I can't really comment any further.

I would suggest you both calm down, sit down and rationally discuss your relationship. Based on my psychologist's instinct alone, you can work it out, provided you can find solutions to the reasons you broke up in the first place. And I beieve you both want to do that, at least to a degree.

Good luck!
- July 3rd, 2009, 07:16 pm
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TaoShaffer TaoShaffer is offline
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Kinda sounds like a running gun battle of reconciliation and hostility. I guess the break up was so immediate that it really didn't give you guys time to throw your frustrations at eachother?
- July 3rd, 2009, 07:36 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is online now
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j0hn8andy .....Take off the Rings.....That's the Goal.....

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Sounds to me like she wants you for her next "sweetie" she can "miss" and "hug".

Unlike Moon, I don't see much hope. Not when you're so unforgivable to her she wants to throw up!

Some people want to be the one to end the relationship. They can't stand having somebody turn their back & walk away. I'm getting that impression of her. I think that's why she wants to see you this summer.

The thing that bothers me here is that you felt compelled to snoop on her, while believing it to be wrong. If we're really good for each other we bring out the best in each other. That certainly wasn't your best!

Do you want to see her again to "remove the rest of her hurt"? What about your hurt? Are you going to feel better if you see her? You should do what feels right to you.

- July 3rd, 2009, 08:03 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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lostdude wrote :
My long distance relationship ex broke things off with me 5 months ago, in a very bad way (we were scheduled to go to Arizona for a vacation...she canceled on me 2 days before). Since then she's made tiny efforts to de-alienate us, but she wasn't exactly nice in those emails and so I ignored her.

Recently I removed her from my Facebook (took me long enough) and she reacted. She tried to get me to contact her, but I didn't. So she blocked me (unfriending and blocking are different). That caused me to react...I'm not sure why.

So I foolishly emailed her, spilling my guts. Even though she was the one who burned our relationship to the ground (she canceled and broke us up because I didn't call her enough, but never voiced her concerns. It was just all of a sudden "I'm not going"), I told her I still think about her, too much. So I had to remove her from my facebook.

She replied with a very kind email, and then said she was going to be in town in August and September, and she'd like to see me. Not to try to be friends or mess with me, but because seeing me one more time will help her "remove the rest of the hurt."

I sent back a not so kind email, because at one point in the relationship, I snooped in her cell phone and found some bad texts in her phone, to her ex. Calling him "sweetie" and "i miss you" and "i want to hug you!"...all while we were in Vegas on vacation together. He sent her texts like "I want to lick you!" and "you should be in my cube right now." I never came clean, but decided if we were gonna attempt to fix any kind of relationship, I had to get that monkey off my back. I told her about the texts she sent him, but didn't mention the texts he sent her. I wrote in the email that I know snooping is wrong and I am not proud of doing that at all.

She replied that I don't understand her and she see's nothing wrong w/ those texts, at all. She said what I did was unforgivable and it makes her want to throw up. We fight it out and finally I ask myself...what is the point? We aren't getting back together. So why fight? So I sent one more email saying I'm sad we're over, but lets just leave it alone.

She came back saying sort of the same thing...but still wants to meet?! Why would she still want to meet? I told her I violated her trust. I gave her all the "I'm not mad at you" mushy "I miss you" already. Why does she still want to meet?!
He who laughs last laughs best! The only way to win is to do or say nothing to her and to be to busy to see her! (Period) If you do meet her you'll be sorry!

Harvey7.
- July 3rd, 2009, 10:17 pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
He who laughs last laughs best! The only way to win is to do or say nothing to her and to be to busy to see her! (Period) If you do meet her you'll be sorry!

Harvey7.

I'm super new here and this is my first reply but seriously the above comment is so childish! I had a similar situation, my ex- and I were engaged and he pulled that "no contact" garbage. It is really immature and hurtful to both parties, whether you realize it or not. When you really learn how to love someone, pride and "getting the last laugh" are never considerations.
- July 3rd, 2009, 11:25 pm
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lostdude lostdude is offline
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yeah, i know that no good will come of meeting up with her. hard as it is to swallow, she is not the person i thought i fell in love with. she knows all my buttons and pushes them very well. i told her to please let me move on and don't contact me when she's in town. i did say she can contact me if she feels like fixing things to see if a relationship would work. we'll see if she respects my wishes.

john8andy - yeah, i know the snooping wasn't my best. but i just had a feeling. i saw her texting someone everytime i returned from the bathroom or the buffet line...and just found it extremely strange, and intuition just buzzed telling me she was doing something unfaithful. i think while good relationships *should* bring out the best in everyone, we all do make mistakes. i made one, and i owned up to it. she made one and lashed out when i called her on it.
- July 4th, 2009, 01:02 am
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Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
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Why does she still want to meet?! Because she likes having lots of out-of-town and text lovers, you are just one of the boys she gets to take her on vacation, and have fun with. Run from this one, cheating, promiscuous, on the rebound? Anything and anyone is better than that kind of trash.
lostdude wrote :
My long distance relationship ex broke things off with me 5 months ago, in a very bad way (we were scheduled to go to Arizona for a vacation...she canceled on me 2 days before). Since then she's made tiny efforts to de-alienate us, but she wasn't exactly nice in those emails and so I ignored her.

Recently I removed her from my Facebook (took me long enough) and she reacted. She tried to get me to contact her, but I didn't. So she blocked me (unfriending and blocking are different). That caused me to react...I'm not sure why.

So I foolishly emailed her, spilling my guts. Even though she was the one who burned our relationship to the ground (she canceled and broke us up because I didn't call her enough, but never voiced her concerns. It was just all of a sudden "I'm not going"), I told her I still think about her, too much. So I had to remove her from my facebook.

She replied with a very kind email, and then said she was going to be in town in August and September, and she'd like to see me. Not to try to be friends or mess with me, but because seeing me one more time will help her "remove the rest of the hurt."

I sent back a not so kind email, because at one point in the relationship, I snooped in her cell phone and found some bad texts in her phone, to her ex. Calling him "sweetie" and "i miss you" and "i want to hug you!"...all while we were in Vegas on vacation together. He sent her texts like "I want to lick you!" and "you should be in my cube right now." I never came clean, but decided if we were gonna attempt to fix any kind of relationship, I had to get that monkey off my back. I told her about the texts she sent him, but didn't mention the texts he sent her. I wrote in the email that I know snooping is wrong and I am not proud of doing that at all.

She replied that I don't understand her and she see's nothing wrong w/ those texts, at all. She said what I did was unforgivable and it makes her want to throw up. We fight it out and finally I ask myself...what is the point? We aren't getting back together. So why fight? So I sent one more email saying I'm sad we're over, but lets just leave it alone.

She came back saying sort of the same thing...but still wants to meet?! Why would she still want to meet? I told her I violated her trust. I gave her all the "I'm not mad at you" mushy "I miss you" already. Why does she still want to meet?!
- July 4th, 2009, 04:53 am
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is online now
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lostdude wrote :
yeah, i know that no good will come of meeting up with her. hard as it is to swallow, she is not the person i thought i fell in love with. she knows all my buttons and pushes them very well. i told her to please let me move on and don't contact me when she's in town. i did say she can contact me if she feels like fixing things to see if a relationship would work. we'll see if she respects my wishes.

john8andy - yeah, i know the snooping wasn't my best. but i just had a feeling. i saw her texting someone everytime i returned from the bathroom or the buffet line...and just found it extremely strange, and intuition just buzzed telling me she was doing something unfaithful. i think while good relationships *should* bring out the best in everyone, we all do make mistakes. i made one, and i owned up to it. she made one and lashed out when i called her on it.



I meant to offense by that. I hope none was taken.

I used it as an example of why I would let her go & move on. As you appear willing to do. If she doesn't bring out the best in you, she's not The One for you. I probably could have explained it better.
- July 4th, 2009, 07:57 am
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lostdude lostdude is offline
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j0hn8andy wrote :
I meant to offense by that. I hope none was taken.

I used it as an example of why I would let her go & move on. As you appear willing to do. If she doesn't bring out the best in you, she's not The One for you. I probably could have explained it better.
no offense taken at all. and really, i *don't* want to let her go. because when we were together, in the same town, we were fantastic. i was never as happy as i was with her. lots of affection, lots of fun activities, we took care of each other. we had fights but we were patient with each other and made effort to resolve the issues. it was when she left and we tried to maintain a long distance connection that the sh*t hit the fan. she wouldn't call/text me back and when i brought up things that bothered me, she got mad instead of trying to address them.

i thought i had let her go...and then i stupidly go and contact her again, and all these feelings pour out. i had forgotten how painful it was to lose her, even though we had some pretty bad things between us.

even now, i'm extremely tempted to say yes, lets meet. i still want to call/email her and ask her to give us another chance (even though she was the one who wrecked us). it's pretty painful
- July 4th, 2009, 08:40 am
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