Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
saulgoode saulgoode is offline
saulgoode's Avatar

Unregistered

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,310

See profile

Notice that nowhere in this article did it suggest that one SNOOP on one's partner, as the picture in the ad implies! For that point alone, I'd say well done.

- Saul
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
kevin76 kevin76 is offline
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 385

See profile

Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 has a plan to sort it out

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 943

See profile

A little protective lying is the mark of a civilised society; surely to God?
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
clearlyoblique clearlyoblique is offline
clearlyoblique's Avatar

clearlyoblique wears the skirt in the relationship

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 2,522

See profile

I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
- November 4th, 2009, 06:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
kevin76 kevin76 is offline
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 385

See profile

clearlyoblique wrote :
I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

http://www.ict4us.com/r.kuijt/en_nonverbal.htm
Last edited by kevin76; November 4th, 2009 at 09:58 am. Reason: added link
- November 4th, 2009, 09:56 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
scarlet13's Avatar

scarlet13 How many Fates turn around in the overtime?

Virtuoso

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 2,729

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
yep.

one of the red flags that popped up with a guy i was talking to online was that he'd been cheated on by all of his girlfriends and from our discussions basically maintained that going forward, he expects all his partners to explain where they were going and with whom and if he didn't like the answer it meant they were lying.

true story.
- November 4th, 2009, 10:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,042

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
If you can find any legitimate scientific research that supports the claims made here, I would be very surprised. It simply is not grounded in science...

So, CO, don't even bother trying to figure out whether it's their right or your right you need to focus on...lol.
- November 4th, 2009, 10:18 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is online now
Can_I_just_be_Jo's Avatar

Can_I_just_be_Jo Blissfully happy!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 624

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
I look down and bite my lower lip when answering questions. What does the article say about that?
- November 4th, 2009, 10:20 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
nightling nightling is offline
nightling's Avatar

nightling is drinking coffee, reading science articles, and enjoying the sunshine.

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,325

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
It's actually not a reliable indicator whether they look right or look left. At least, not according to the latest research on the subject.

There is some very interesting research being done with MRI scans however in which they can tell whether you are lying by the which neural circuits in the brain light up. They can also tell which word you are thinking of.

Kinda Orwellian if you ask me.
Last edited by nightling; November 4th, 2009 at 07:05 pm. Reason: And they can tell if you truly believe what you've said too. Imagine that in the hands of the Inquisition.
- November 4th, 2009, 02:01 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
clearlyoblique clearlyoblique is offline
clearlyoblique's Avatar

clearlyoblique wears the skirt in the relationship

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 2,522

See profile

My voice squeaks when I lie. My sister's voice squeaks for the same reason.

I come from a family of truth telling terrible liars. We do the Southern Social thing ... and those lines pass muster out of practice ... but an outright lie? Hmmm ... but my sister is good at poker ... I wonder how she does that. The liar. lol.
Last edited by clearlyoblique; November 4th, 2009 at 06:56 pm. Reason: Oh and thanks, Kevin, for the explanation. I often look up to the right when I'm thinking - hate to think I'm a big fat liar
- November 4th, 2009, 06:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« What says I love you men vs women | Array | Smothering—Can You Love Too Much? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Maybe they were hoping to find me?” – D_Lion

Join the “Is a Cruise a good Date?” discussion

“I think I have trouble with everyone's definition of "nice." Sometimes people think they are being nice. But they haven't really listened to what the other person wants or needs, so their effort is ... ” – melman

Join the “She does not want to be with me because I'm "too nice".” discussion

“I am sorry, maybe this is out of place, but: do we not all have our preferences, men and women alike? I am sure if we thought about it there are some things that we just will not accept in a mate, ... ” – gemend

Join the “Why is physical apperance such an issue” discussion

“ I do some kind of background check on anyone that I am interested in and I ask lots of questions as a cross reference for what I was previously told. I even ask to see ID to see if you are who ... ” – olrowe

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion

“You couldn't pay me to eat a fudge poptart. (I've had one before, thank you). But I'll try almost any type of food. ” – clearlyoblique

Join the “Hypocritical Match?” discussion

“ It is another dating website and the multiple matches encourage women to play the field. To men it is a disappointment. We're looking for more than the same, a website that will make a difference. ... ” – melman

Join the “How do I stop getting too attached to my matches too soon?” discussion

“Are you very heavy in spite of your exercise regimen? Perhaps you aren't exercising hard enough. The time put into exercise is not the same as the intensity and effort that would result in a more ... ” – Shelby

Join the “Overwieght but physically active...” discussion

“ I mean, what's four more months, right? ” – PY_2

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:49 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0