Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 970

See profile

A match just sent First Questions. There is nothing in her profile that interests me. "I am passionate about living life", no mention of hobbies or real interests. There's no picture, just "Request my photo" which I believe means she's intentionally hiding them (and as I have written over and over, "nothing good can come from that".)

Among the questions is:

Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
A: making a presentation to 500 people
B: a long car ride with a person you just met
C: talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D: meeting with the president of the company you work for

I'd like to know your thoughts about the "E" answer of "Getting questions from a match who hasn't shared a picture." As compared to sending a Photo Nudge before answering at all.

Maybe I'll wait a couple of days to make sure that she isn't in the process of uploading a picture.
- November 6th, 2009, 07:37 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,348

See profile

Since you seem to indicate you are not interested in her I don't see anything wrong with your "E" answer.

If you put a :-) smiley or a LOL at the end of this answer it would even be appropriate if you were interested.

Now I feel compelled to say a few words about Photo Nudge. As with everyone else I get plenty of matches with no photo. I send a Photo Nudge to every one as soon as I get the match. most never respond. Of the ones that do respond and post a photo the number that are quite attractive is a lot higher than the ones that are just However, there is a high percentage of the ones that do post a photo will close me just as soon as I send First Questions. Kind of like they are trying to send a message "so now that you see I am good looking you are interested but you are just a shallow jerk". I also cannot recall that of any matches that did post a photo to a Photo Nudge that may have gone on to communicate that it ever made it to a meeting with the exception of a couple that were FCWers.
- November 7th, 2009, 08:30 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is online now
Sassafras54's Avatar

Sassafras54 has decided to be more hopeful.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 776

See profile

I thought "Request my photo" is just something the eH software puts there when the person hasn't posted any photos. eH wants you to send them a nudge. Are you saying the person has photo's but is hiding them? On "Sharing Settings" all I see is you can choose whether or not to receive photo nudges. I don't see a way to hide photos.

I don't do photo nudges. I figure it's up to them whether they they want to post photos or not. And I assume most no-photo profiles are non-paying anyway. I have initiated with men who had no photo but never gotten responses from them.

I have received 1 photo nudge. (I do have 1 photo posted.) I was not interested in this match and did not respond. If I had been interested, I would have initiated GC, rather than doing anything with my photos.

I have reasons why I posted just one photo. It's my choice! Nudge me or not. I am willing to accept that some men will close me out for this.
- November 7th, 2009, 10:53 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 970

See profile

Sassafras, photo sharing is controlled in your My Settings - Sharing Settings.

I'm going from memory here, but during my previous membership in 2007, I had several active matches who were hiding their pictures, and this was clearly stated somehow - matches with no pictures at all looked different. After my membership ran out, I learned of a hole in eH's system (which is now closed) where you could view anyone's pictures, even if your subscription was inactive and even if the match was hiding them. Without exception, the hidden pictures were all quite scary. And there was no polite way to say otherwise. Believe me, you'd agree..

Photo Nudges that I've sent have resulted either in nothing, or an insta-close. Thus, the idea to answer the questions but include my own nudge.

All the open matches I have right now have pictures, except for the one who sent me questions. So I'm not 100% sure if she's hiding them or if she doesn't have any. But it would be unusual for a paying customer not to have any picture at all. That's why I'll wait a short time.

A bland profile and a nice picture can generate at least a little interest. But a bland profile and hidden pics (if that's what she did)? Umm... sorry, no.
Last edited by melman; November 7th, 2009 at 12:16 pm.
- November 7th, 2009, 12:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is online now
Sassafras54's Avatar

Sassafras54 has decided to be more hopeful.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 776

See profile

Nope, my My Settings - Sharing Settings - Photo Sharing only offers 1 thing: turn on/off whether I will receive Photo Nudges. There are no other options.

I use Safari on a Mac and I think its interface might be different from PCs.
- November 7th, 2009, 12:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

dnnmllr dnnmllr is offline
dnnmllr's Avatar

dnnmllr "Steady my feet in accord with your promise, Let not iniquity lead me"...

Veteran

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 1,451

See profile

melman wrote :
A match just sent First Questions. There is nothing in her profile that interests me. "I am passionate about living life", no mention of hobbies or real interests. There's no picture, just "Request my photo" which I believe means she's intentionally hiding them (and as I have written over and over, "nothing good can come from that".)

Among the questions is:

Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
A: making a presentation to 500 people
B: a long car ride with a person you just met
C: talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D: meeting with the president of the company you work for

I'd like to know your thoughts about the "E" answer of "Getting questions from a match who hasn't shared a picture." As compared to sending a Photo Nudge before answering at all.

Maybe I'll wait a couple of days to make sure that she isn't in the process of uploading a picture.
(Tone = honest)

I have not posted any photographs and I am not ugly, according to any feedback I have ever "gotten" from "anyone" at "anytime". Women, in particuliar, are somewhat "hesitant" in posting photographs because they are not "comfortable" doing so at that moment.....and if you try to "push-the-envelop" on this, without first having her "trust", then you may never know what she looks like.....just saying.

I wish you well.
- November 7th, 2009, 01:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
CA_Gal_2009 CA_Gal_2009 is offline
CA_Gal_2009's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 44

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
Nope, my My Settings - Sharing Settings - Photo Sharing only offers 1 thing: turn on/off whether I will receive Photo Nudges. There are no other options.

I use Safari on a Mac and I think its interface might be different from PCs.
That's what I see too. My understanding is that the option to hide your photo until a certain point in communication or until you okay the match was an option that was removed at some point. Those of us who joined eH after the change do not have the option to hide our photos, but those that were already members do. Basically, the developers didn't take the time to change the user interface for all users, just for new ones.
- November 7th, 2009, 01:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 970

See profile

That is good to know.

My account was set up in March 2007, and I also have options for
1. Make my photos available to my matches:
2. If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to:
  • share my photos only with users who have a photo posted
  • share my photos with all my matches
- November 7th, 2009, 03:05 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 970

See profile

dnnmllr wrote :
(Tone = honest)

I have not posted any photographs and I am not ugly, according to any feedback I have ever "gotten" from "anyone" at "anytime". Women, in particuliar, are somewhat "hesitant" in posting photographs because they are not "comfortable" doing so at that moment.....and if you try to "push-the-envelop" on this, without first having her "trust", then you may never know what she looks like.....just saying.
I appreciate the concern, but the way I look at this is that anyone on eH needs to be fully using the site. The facts (age, etc.) in their profile need to be accurate, and they need to be sharing a picture. Any important facts (previous marriage and kids) need to be stated up front. I'm not going to play a "discovery" game, especially if the written statements in the profile don't give me any openings toward wanting to know more.

Now that I know that new user's can't hide pictures, I think I will close this match for the reason of not having a picture. If she posts one, she can ask to be reopened. Thanks to all.
- November 7th, 2009, 03:11 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
ScottK ScottK is online now
ScottK's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,194

See profile

melman wrote :
That is good to know.

My account was set up in March 2007, and I also have options for
1. Make my photos available to my matches:
2. If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to:
  • share my photos only with users who have a photo posted
  • share my photos with all my matches

Yup, you were grandfathered in.
All newer members, (from like Jan 2009 or so), do NOT have this option.

I, for one, am glad they removed that option.
If I ever came across someone with that Hiding setting on, that was an Insta-Close for me.
That option was a game, and I am not on EH for games.
- November 7th, 2009, 10:27 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« Changing Age in Profile? | Array | Misleading Religion in Profile »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
First Questions question? Gr8Guyn2008 Using eHarmony 16 October 29th, 2009 09:06 pm
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 11: Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed... eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 15 October 25th, 2009 09:55 pm
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 10: What Are Five Things You "Can't Live Without"? eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 16 October 2nd, 2009 05:20 am
Answers to Wrong Questions melman Using eHarmony 48 September 21st, 2009 07:39 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Wow that sounds really tough.If money is tight, you can find a counselor at a clinic that offers sliding-fee scale: they charge you what you can afford. Try googling "mental health clinic" and add ... ” – Sassafras54

Join the “My Baggage Or Intuition?” discussion

“They have lumps, a hump and some clumps ” – roguewolf1

Join the “THREE reasons why we love some women!!” discussion

“What you are experiencing does not come around often in life, and when it does you would be wise to cherish it, go with it, and experience it fully. I do not understand why you are wanting to shut ... ” – Wonderwoman402

Join the “Can you prevent yourself from falling for someone?” discussion

“Your use of the words "he has to allow me to ..." kind of bothers me. It's not up to him to allow you or disallow you to do anything, is it?Watching tv/movies is a solitary activity unless you talk ... ” – Sassafras54

Join the “Conflict over TV/movie habits.” discussion

“Also, keep in mind that many guys (myself included) have gone out with women where everything was fine until he pays her the first compliment. It's possible that the lesson he took was "Don't ... ” – Oregon_Coast_Guy

Join the “My boyfriend never compliments me, but compliments others” discussion

“Hey, I've only been seeing this new guy for a couple of weeks. Before that, it was 2 guys in a row that just didn't like to kiss, and nothing before that. Yes, I brush my teeth. ” – chawks64

Join the “Is everyone but me dating?” discussion

“I SAY IT'S BEST THAT.....THIS JUST MY VIEW POINT...... I PERSONALLY BEEN THEIR AND THINGS DONOT ALWAYS GET BETTER.. AND I THINK YOU ALREADY HAD SOME THINGS THAT YOU DONOT WANT TO FACE RIGHT NOW.. ... ” – misswright

Join the “Stay in or get out?????” discussion

“I'm dating a man I met at work right now. When I first started with the company, we were flirting back and forth for a few weeks, and then I asked him out. He turned me down. Fast forward 2 years, ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “I'm attracted to independent women” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:12 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.3.0