Yes... and it happens to the 'male' population as well.  When you are a giver, and give of your soul (mind, will, & emotions), your strength, and your spirit it is not always to 'listen' to the inner feelings.  I believe in people. Pure and simple, I choose to believe in others.  So I find it hard to see the 'choices' others make when they are negative or self-serving.  After all, we all do everything for the 'pay-off', what we are getting from the relationship, event, or action we have chosen.  We are geeting something, even from the 'bad' in our life.

Once I chose to accept certain behaviors as detremental to my well being, I begin to see things a little differently. Yes, there are still feelings, but I have, little by little, CHOSEN to separate myself. 

You see, the relationship started out 'awesome'; closeness, friendship and though we lived together, no physical intamacy until we were both ready.  My idea of a 'lasting' relationship.  But then I begin to notice that it was all about her... her family, her friends, her needs... that I continued to give to. She still loved to go out and have a good time, but with her 'friends'.  Me, I continued to have those lists, those requests, to meet her needs.  And I chose to, after all, it was her house (my payoff, I was living under the roof, in the beginning the 'fun', intamacy, it was exciting).  So I continually found myself fulfilling her 'wants' and 'needs' as a handiman, the repair guy, the mechanic, gardner, cook, house cleaner. laundry service, banker (for the occasional meal or night out), purchase agent for clothes.  It was ok, I love to love the one I'm with.  Totally!

But then the intamacy disappeared overnite; the 'fun times' became more and more with 'friends', especially the 'boys' in her life; her demands for perfection, being there to hold her hair when she vomited after too much alcohol, pamper her when she was sick (or just wanted a massage, about every night); the time with me was spent with demanding lists...  She, a licensed massage therapist, in our three year relationship never once gave me a massage, though she had the time for her 'friends'. (Even now I still sound hurt and teathered.)

Then the verbal accosting and finally physical striking began. She really wanted control. I'ld never been hit by anyone... the demeaning I grew up with.  Funny how we gravitate to the familiar.  Eyes wide open, I chose to leave. Continued to hold on to feelings... of giving, taking care of, support... It's been 10 months now. Still have feelings, but they are seen through different eyes. I finally had to say, "I choose to say 'no' to her requests for help.  It is not a healthy relationship, even as friends. (She still gets with friends for 'fun', counts me as a friend, but in the past months she only wants to see me for 'dogsitting', 'house repairs', or even 'taking care of her garden... she doesn't have time)."  Letting go is hard.  I always chose to keep the lines open... just in case. Through deaths in both of our families we have been there (still kind of one-sided) for each other.  But one of her last statements to me, "You're the only one that will do anything for me, to help me... my friends are too busy, can't get off from work, or are with there families. They just want to have fun with me (these are the guys she dates).  And they don't like you."

We don't text or phone each other much at all these days.  I'm still concerned for her, but I am more concerned for me.  Moving on is hard. Like she used to say to me, "Beginnings are fun, Endings are hard, it's the middle that counts."  I believe that came from the movie Hope Floats.  Well, I'm in the middle... of my life, my experiences, my relationships, my... yes, the relationship has ended. I now count her as... an acquaintance? Actually, I don't see her now. And I have quit being the 'savior' for her needs. 

I finally really listened to 'me',my innerelf. es, it is the middle that counts & I haven't ended.